Wow RobX. Thanks for the smack in the brain. Seriously.
I have lots of time to type now, so time to admit what I did. My wife is a stunningly attractive woman with an incredible body. She has always felt that I usually want sex just because of how hot she is. For this reason (and others I am sure) our sex life has been very limited over the last few years. It has been non existent for the 4 months (approx)since the incident I am about to admit to. We had the R talk yesterday and I now know it was the final straw for her.
One night I came home from work and my wife was in bed. She was naked and looking great as usual. I crawled into bed and tried to initiate sex with her. I wasnt aware that she had taken sleeping pills after drinking a fair amount. She had a very bad day and often drinks to escape. She was rather out of it, but I still continued to touch her and even attempted oral. She never woke up wholly, but felt what I was doing. I stopped short of insertion, but she obviously felt used. Even more than usual. This has been eating away at her since and she now sees me as more of a sexual deviant than ever before. There is no sexual attraction at all. I don't think I am exaggerating when I say she feels it was close to rape - and in some way it was. I hate myself for it and think of it every day.
That was tough to admit. But maybe saying it here, is a start for me to deal with it.
Seems odd to just move on from there, with more posting, but I guess I have little choice.
Her grandmother was released from the hospital, but it is still only a matter of days. As for her family not wanting me there, they have never been fond of me, so this is really no surprise.
As I mentioned, we had the R talk as planned yesterday. It was brief, since my wife left when she started crying. She came home a short time later and we were able to speak and even hugged each other. I made the dbing error of suggesting the hug. I said "friends hug each other" and she said "you're my husband". weird.
The bottom line of the R talk was that my wife wants to divorce in approx one year. She says this is too important a year for our s15 to do anything now. I suppose that give me some time to db and as mentioned earlier if this all does end in divorce, financially we will be much better off in 8 months or so. One important comment she made during the talk - "the damage has been done".
I did not sleep in our bed last night, since wife said it makes her uncomfortable - and now I am sure you all understand why. I slept in the basement rec room and then went up to our bed for some real sleep when my wife got up. I actually went in before she was out of bed - she got up later than normal.
Question - what about sleeping arrangements for tonight?
She is working today while I am home for Labour Day. We are planning on a nice family dinner with the kids tonight. And then - I dunno.
Question #2 - Is it right to play house for the next year or ???? And does anyone think my wife is hoping somehow things will be different a year from now?? Or is she really just willing to put her future on hold for a year for the sake of our son (and daughter)? She is a great Mom and actually would do such a thing.
