First Piecing Thread

[Hope4us]

Thanks you guys. I really appreciate it.

I've had a little time to read some threads here and it continues to shock and amaze me that we're going to make it. I know I could get the shock of my life and find out W is just F'in with me, but every day she does something that makes me smile and see just how much the fog has cleared and it seems so genuine.

We continue to talk and discuss things like we haven't in years. Yesterday we went to a cookout at my mom's house and then mom and W went to a baby shower for my niece. My niece had a baby boy about 3 weeks ago, 2.5 months early. He was 1 lb 10 oz at birth and has a long way to go, but he's growing and is strong and the Dr's have said for his age and development he's doing great.

So anyway, last night when we got home, W and I were talking and somehow in the conversation it came up how W always holds stuff in when she is angry and I mentioned that her being angry and not expressing it to me leads to things building up in her to a point that anger greatly exceeds what she was angry about in the first place. I asked her to be honest with me and to speak freely. She related how she saw her mom beat up (some times literally) by her step dad when her mom spoke her mind and that she was afraid to get hurt if she spoke her mind. I grabbed her and held her and told her "I'll never hurt you". She said she knew I wouldn't, but it's still hard when its how you grew up.

I told her I understood. It's the same way with my mom. Mom is very opinionated and in my family, debate is standard fare when we're all together. To an outsider you would think that we're arguing, but we're not, it's just debate and we all have strong wills....so to W she feels like we're not letting the other person voice their opinion when we constantly challenge them. I told her I understood and I know I've done that in the past with her and that I KNOW she's felt like her opinions didn't matter. I also told her that I've recognized my family is that way for a long time and I've been working on it for a long time and if she sees me doing it, to speak up and call me on it so I know she's feeling put down.

The convo was great. And I see W doing it even before we talked about it last night. On Friday night we went on our date and came home and were talking and talking and it was getting late and I was feeling like getting up close and personal which I know W was too so I suggested we go to bed and W said "I'm going to have a smoke and then we can go". So we sat there for a while longer and she hadn't gone out to smoke yet so I just decided I was too tired and told W I was going to bed. I went upstairs and she went out to smoke.

When I got in bed I got a TM and she said don't get pissy with me. Apparently when I closed the basement door after putting the dogs downstairs she felt like I closed the door a little strongly making her think I was mad. I replied that I wasn't mad, just tired and just was going to bed. She TM'd back that she thought I was mad and she apologized for the misunderstanding. I apologized for closing the door a little strong, but that it wasn't my intention and it's all good. She came to bed a few minutes later and attacked me! Yes Sara, could have made a Sailor blush....

So after our conversation last night we went to bed and talked some more and ML again and when we were done I looked at her and told her I loved her and she got this great big smile on her face and made this huge contented noise. We fell asleep snugging the night away....

I leave for my out of town work this evening. I HATE that the timing couldn't be worse, but at the same time it'll give W a chance to really miss me....and I'll be home Friday night and W has already planned our weekend for us...

It's still so hard to believe we're where we are. There have even been a few days this past week when I didn't think about OM and what a slime ball he is. And when I do think about the sitch, the pain just isn't what it used to be. Heck, last Friday was D Day anniversary and I didn't even think about it once!

Talk to ya all soon.