Dont go through all the scenario's in your head wait and deal with what H says when he comes home.. You have certainly rattled his cage, if he asks should he go try and ignore those questions, but if pushed just say that you want to work on your M still but its still his choice..
Make sure that you get lots of photos of you all done up nice, put them where he can see them when he is next around, as one it will allay his fears of someone else, but at the same time show him you are not waiting around for him but getting out there and if you chose too you could find someone else!
Thinking of you!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Yes I know I can't keep going over the scenarios but for so long now, nothing has happened or been said then all of a sudden we get a rush of activity from H today, so it has kind of unnerved me a bit.
The answer to your sitch is very simple. Detach. Detach your emotions from him. Understand that you CANNOT control what he feels or how he's going to act towards you. But what you can control is how you feel and react.
Right now he doesn't want you. Period. Who wants to live with someone like that? Detach and thin, "to hell with that. I'm going to do what makes me happy. If it's to go out with friends (maybe men who are just friends), then so be it. I'm not going to sit at home and let my H bring me down."
You are much stronger than that. Sure you made mistakes. We ALL make mistakes in the R. It's called being human.
If he wants to think you're with another man, well that's HIS problem. He can't control what you do either.
The important thing here is to show whose in control. The problem is that you think it's just an "act". Well it's not. If it were an act, he'd sense it a mile away. You need to really believe that you are done with his foolishness and ready to move on.
When he calls or texts you, do not answer until maybe the third or fourth and just say that you were busy and didn't hear the phone. And that you'll try to get back to him later. Then turn off the phone. It's as simple as that.
He doesn't have the right to pull your strings and EXPECT you to act or do things his way or on his timetable.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I thought I was detaching quite well, but obviously I wasn't fully detached and that is why this is affecting me.
That had been my philosophy that I would not let him bring me down with his behaviour and had been going out enjoying friends company etc. and I had decided that I was switching off from his behaviour.
As I don't feel like I have been acting of late but doing things that I am getting enjoyment from truly, is that why you are saying it isn't an act and if I was acting he would sense that. I am just clarifying to myself your point on the "act"
He certainly has pulled my strings today as it was out of the blue.
He asked what I wanted for the future, I said to hopefully enjoy the next phase of our lives together with no children to worry about but that in the meantime I was enjoying doing things I wanted to do for me.
Correct answer....." I don't know what I want right now. Anyway, I am at work and have to let you go. Talk to you later....
Quote:
He said he still doesn't know what he wants and that maybe he needs to go away for a month and do everything for himself and that he will probably hate doing all the washing, ironing etc. I said that I understood and that he had to do what he thought was best.
Correct answer.... " I agree. I was thinking the same thing. I think it WOULD be for the best. I'm not sure what I want right now,but it isn't working this way. Anyway, I am at work and have to go. Talk to you later"
He has another woman. He is lying to you and testing your resolve. Wants his cake and to eat it too. As long as you keep allowing him to think that you want him back and keep allowing him to have the upper hand, then things are not going to changes.
You had him coming TOWARD you for a bit. He was a bit worried, but you reassured him that you still want it to work. I think you need to allow him to wonder. The only way to do that is to tell him you agree that it would be best if he moved and that you are NOT sure how you feel.
I know that this stance causes fear. However, it works far better than allowing a man to walk all over you while you try to smile and say "thanks for treating me badly, I needed that"
"As I don't feel like I have been acting of late but doing things that I am getting enjoyment from truly, is that why you are saying it isn't an act and if I was acting he would sense that."
It wasn't that you were acting like you enjoyed the activities. That's fine. It's the "act" of being detached. True detachment is that you really don't care if he came back or not. Detachment takes time and shouldn't be confused with pretending everything is okay.
It's difficult to understand the feeling, but once you get it, it's unmistakable.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Oz I don't know why I find it so easy to see this so clearly when Stuck and Gucci have given their 2cents worth to others. I'm sat here nodding and saying "that's right - that IS what she should do" ... I guess that's 'cause I'm not in your shoes. When you are not in those shoes, you don't feel the fear.
I wish that I could get the same perspective from my footwear!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
