Circling the drain

[needinghope]

Hello to all. It's been a really long time since my last post but I've keeping up on several posters in my absence. Things are still a mess. I am in week two of going dark but today I fell apart. We were supposed to celebrate with friends but H backed out. I haven't seen him outside of counseling appts in a month. I let myself get really excited. When he cancelled I was a mess. Furthermore, I'm having a really hard time getting out and meeting people, so I've spent the entire weekend at home missing him. Meanwhile H is at the beach with family. Ugh! So I'm feeling pretty gross about pretty much everything right now and need to vent.