Tonight I'm feeling rage I didn't know I had. He told me he will not stop seeing the OW and it's up to me to prove in therapy that I'm better than her.
He's very hurt from some things I've done in the past. I've blamed myself since he left.
Tonight I'm furious that he blames me to justify his actions. I am furious that he won't admit his part in the disintegration of our marriage. I've done a lot of things wrong, and that is why he left. But I'm tired of that being the end of the story.
And then, yesterday we had the best day together as a family that we've had since he left. He spent every minute with us and it felt so solid. We stayed up talking until four in the morning - he opened up to me in ways that he hasn't since he left. I got the closeness feeling I've been wanting for months, yet I have all these bombs dropped too. I don't understand what's going on. It's so confusing.
I feel completely mind f***ed. It such a roller coaster ride, I don't know what to think or feel.
