Gotta Keep Trying 2

[givingitmyall]

So, I was ready to make a tee time for myself today, and S, who has been dealing with a bit of a cold, spikes a 100.9 fever. Nothing to freak out, but this type of stuff has been going around our area, with fevers topping out at 102-103.

W is feeling "crampy." She says it's ok for me to play golf, but I can see this unfold: I go play, she continues to feel worse, son's fever continues to climb, and I am on the golf course. No, that's not gonna happen. Besides, even though W said it was "ok" for me to play, her tone and body language said otherwise.

I'm not staying home out of a sense of fear for what W may do if I play golf. I'm ditching golf b/c I know it is the right thing to do, for me.

Darn, I really wanted to play. But, I'm a father first.

[Coach]

The L in HALT is "lonely."

I agree with Dia you need to get out in the evenings. I would make plans to go out on a Friday night. Break up the status quo a little, make pizza night up to the kids another way.

You are turned off by you wife because she is hurting you. So get busy, no idle hands or minds. Fill your love buckets by doing something you enjoy. Not good for anyone for Papa Bear to be grumpy. Get out in front and lead, dictate the pace of the game. Do you want to play offense and score or play defense? Go a little deeper in the playbook, your wife is handling what you are running now. The objective still is win-win-win for you, your wife and your family.

Cheers

[Dia]

Sorry about missing your golf game, GIMA. And I hope S9 feels better soon.

Just a thought - remember what Coach said a week or so ago about letting W see more of you? Have you done anything about that?

Me, I'm struggling this morning myself. Woke up out of a nightmare/anxiety dream and I'm still trying to shake it off. My PMA is hosed.

Oh, and the L is for Lonely, which I think you were feeling last night in addition to tired.

[mishka422]

Mmmmmm.....soy ginger. Yum!

Maybe some residual anger over the Dawgs piss poor performance yesterday? I'm just sayin'.......

[givingitmyall]

Thanks guys.

@Coach, I like the idea of breaking the routine. I think she is just too comfortable in the current routine. Not making excuses, but b/w my work schedule and son's football practice, its been next to impossible to find time. But I will make this a priority.

@Dia, yes, I have begun opening up emotionally to W and letting her see all my "rooms.". Told her about good things at work, my fears connected to job, how I'm feeling about things other than R. Just gonna keep chipping away at that.

@Mishka, the loss by the dawgs definitely did not help.

And, yes, there was definitely some lonliness going on last night. Funny how that seems to be gone this am.

[Greek]

Coach, I like the idea of breaking the routine. I think she is just too comfortable in the current routine. Not making excuses, but b/w my work schedule and son's football practice, its been next to impossible to find time. But I will make this a priority.

Schedules = buzz killers. As mothers, we live by the schedule beginning with infant sleep schedules, feeding schedules, then bm scheds to potty train, followed by school schedules, bath time, homework, football practice (for us it's lacrosse and basketball)and waiting up to make sure teenagers don't bust curfew...schedule, schedule, schedule. What a breath of fresh air you might be to plan and execute something outside of the sched - something that requires nothing on her part but to be present and enjoy.

Take her OUT OF THE ORDINARY. And if she won't go, you should go anyway. She'll notice that she's missing out and that has a return as well.

Cheers.
Greek

[givingitmyall]

Thanks Greek.

Took my first step into the taking her out of her schedule last weekend. Need many more.

[Greek]

I have a very demanding job. I live by the schedule at home b/c work is so unpredictable. The Schedule gives me some peace of mind that Home will be ok if I just follow and keep up with this rubric. So it works and it's goodness. But God knows I love when Coach says, "Ach...don't worry about that. We'll just do XYZ instead. That'll be fine/just as good/fun/different. I'll take care of it. And I've got your back." Whoa. Woohoo! Now that's some Goodness.

[givingitmyall]

I know that is an area I fell down in in the past. My W is not currently working, but her work is demanding when she has it. Mine too. Probably one of the things we admired in one another at one time.

I have been "leading" much more, thanks to Coach's advice. Rather than sit back to let her make a decision on something, I take the lead and just do it. Not in an "I have to control this" type way, but more in a "I got it" way.

I have sensed her warming up in the last month or so, but still NO R talk. I am not bringing them up, and neither is she. But she acts like my W in 90% of the R. She just isn't ready for all of the wall to come down, or for me to coax her over it.

Which is where your POV is important. What got you to climb "the wall" back to Coach and your M?

I see similarities in my M and you guys'. I don't think I'm dealing with an A. I think my W just became tired of feeling she was leading in the important aspects of our M.

[Greek]

Which is where your POV is important. What got you to climb "the wall" back to Coach and your M?

I see similarities in my M and you guys'. I don't think I'm dealing with an A. I think my W just became tired of feeling she was leading in the important aspects of our M.

A couple of things. The first I could detect was that Coach was taking really good care of himself. It's not that he was a slacker or slob or anything before. But I noticed new clothes, dropping some lbs. Smelled great. Walking tall. I've been reading you on here so I know you've got that part covered.

Once I came back, I observed him taking the lead (this matters) on things that previously weighed me down...money in particular. This took some work, for him to understand my questions and for me to understand how he FEELS when I ask, but we really worked hard on being patient with this. Also, he has a firm grasp on my LLs and uses them. I used to scrap the idea of LLs - psycho blah blah - but I surely don't now. I love WOA - esp. when he is bragging to other folks about me (love the good PR). So he looks for opps to do this and I lap it up.

"Climbing the wall" as you say back to our M came about differently than yours will. Remember, I left so there were legal issues, logistical issues, kids splitting time. Coach was sharp when it came to dealing with me in these matters. Fortunately, you don't have the same BS to deal with. But the idea is the same - no nonsense - you want a New Marriage, too - and you are taking a leading role in becoming a better man. You will be the kind of man who has a good and vital relationship with a strong, communicative woman. Show that to Mrs. GIMA in as many ways as you can find. The message should be: "I have a life. You can be in it. Come aboard or stay ashore - your choice - but my ship will sail." I knew I shattered Coach when I left, but I soon saw that he was pulling it together (yum) and GAL (yum). Very attractive.

There were some little things, too, that drew me in. Like eye contact. And really, really listening to me. I'm an administrator at a school so you can imagine I come home with some stories. I need NEED to tell them. He used to multi-task (play with the dog, look at a lacrosse magazine...) while I would download my day. Not anymore. I've got full on eye contact and it makes a huge difference. I think I've read that you're taking care of that, too. Just don't let up. Someone will listen to her. You want it to be YOU.

Greek