Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[iwantittowork]

I honestly don't know what to do next, or where I am with all this.

I am seriously thinking I should move on the D front myself, and just get this over and done. Her conducting like a single woman while I support her lifestyle is not really something I want to do.

Will I be fine on my own? I believe so. Will my d8 manage? I believe she will make it through it.

This is a tougher place to be mentally than I had envisioned. At times I feel like I am 'giving up' when I contemplate moving on, and that is not good for me to think that way.

I could use some thoughts from others that have been here, and made that move for themselves. How did you get past some of these mindsets and make those decisions that go against what you thought you would be doing?

[iwantittowork]

I am in desperate need of help..

I came back from business trip today, and W and d8 are out, I believe at my SS17's last race of the year.

W has setup parenting class for the end of this month, I see it on the calendar.

And, I intercepted an email from my W to an attorney asking for the name of a divorce attorney if she decides to go that route instead of Mediation.

I feel like I have been kicked in the gut. Somehow I need to get ahead of the curve here. I went and talked to my friend to get out the emotion of it, and determine my next step.

First, do I let her know I saw that email, or is that invasion of privacy or anything?

I plan on asking about the parenting classes tonight, and seeing if I can guide us back to mediation. I don't want this to drag into a heavy legal affair.

I don't know what to do. I so wanted my marriage to work and my d8 to have a complete family.

I want to scream. HELP. I don't know what to do!

[givingitmyall]

First, deep breaths. Calm down.

Second, you cannot control any of the things that are getting you worked up.

You have to show her an attitude that says you will be just fine without her. This is where detachment comes in.

Show her you are ready to deal with anything that she throws at you, and deal with it like a man.

What is your other option? Remember, you're already dead. Once you accept that, then you aren't afraid of dying and get on with the business at hand.

You and I both know that you stand NO chance if you fall apart. So, come on. Get out what you need to get out away from her and get your head cleared for the fight.

[iwantittowork]

I did Gima, went and talked to my friend for a while. Put down on paper plan of action, what I want.

I feel like a dead man, but then again, dead men don't have feelings..

It's frightening thinking about what will happen financially to me if we go all in and start the lawyers up.

My game has to be what is best for me, and right now, this moment, I have to be in front of whatever legal crap I am facing. I do have some things in my favor, and need to cling to those while I make moves.

I just found an letter from my d8 though, welcoming me home from my trip and how much she missed me, and some presents that she made for me.

I cried like a baby after that, just so amazed at how beautiful she is, and what gut wrenching crap she and our family is going to go through.

I need strength to stand up to my W at this time to do what is right for me and d8.

[givingitmyall]

I feel like a dead man, but then again, dead men don't have feelings..

No one said you wouldn't hurt. I know that sucks.

My game has to be what is best for me, and right now, this moment, I have to be in front of whatever legal crap I am facing. I do have some things in my favor, and need to cling to those while I make moves.

I forget, but have you seen a L. If not, get in to see one. Might help calm you a but to know what she can and can't do.

I cried like a baby after that, just so amazed at how beautiful she is, and what gut wrenching crap she and our family is going to go through.

That's the bitch of it all. If you feel like me, you probably feel you can handle anything she does to YOU, but the kid(s)...Well, that's a different ball game. No easy answer there. But, your W cannot take your D away. You will still be a very big part of her life, IF the worst happens.

This is tough stuff man. Pray for strength if you are so inclined.

It is tough, but not impossible.

[iwantittowork]

If you feel like me, you probably feel you can handle anything she does to YOU, but the kid(s)...Well, that's a different ball game.

That is the truth, I am a product of a broken marriage, and I KNOW that it will affect her. Sure, she can survive it, and most likely can thrive at some point. It's the ONE thing that has kept me to this point, and keeps me from making moves that I probably should be doing to protect myself..

I forget, but have you seen a L. If not, get in to see one. Might help calm you a but to know what she can and can't do.

I have been yes, and he eased my mind a bit, that was the mention of some things in my favor. I have a 'short term marriage' by virtue of not getting married until 4.5 years ago, but since we have a d8, that can come into play as well. My W has the cash currently from her mothers estate, and if she goes for jugular, I hope I can bring that into play, as the only reason we have what we have today is from MY inheritance from 7.5 years ago, and I have it in paper trail through houses we have bought.

Nothing of that will be pretty, and I am going to try and 'coax' her back to mediation, and hell, I'll setup the mediation meeting and see what we can do.

If not, since she has only just sent an email asking for an L name, it most likely will take a week or so to get an appt, and I will start working before that with my L. He is basically on 'standby' waiting for a retainer, and me to just do something.

[givingitmyall]

Hey, I'm the product of 2 broken M's. So, I understand. But, we both turned out ok.

Now is the time to get your ducks in a row. If she wants to go the D road, then show her you will be ready and won't just roll over. I'm not suggesting you go nuclear, just convey that you aaren't just gonna agree to everything if it's not reasonable.

[iwantittowork]

Man this is awful.

I am a dead man.

We are going to try mediation once, if that doesn't work get out the lawyers. She wants a major chunk of money for support. Her lawyer says the things my lawyer said are not true.

She is taking the diamond out of her ring and putting it in a necklace for our d8.

This could get ugly.

[iwantittowork]

I am scared like I have never been before today.

I will not show her that though. She feels she has the high ground, and legally who knows.

I started to draft plans on paper for myself to get the things in order I'll need done, moving out, packing, etc.

Any advice for what to do next?

[givingitmyall]

Mentally, go to that worst case scenario in your mind. Live it, and realize you will be fine. If you can make peace with it, then it will no longer have any power over you. Only then will it lose its hold.