I went to pick up the kids from H. He told me he had found another ride to the airport...fine.
He gave me a pre-birthday present (a beautiful sun dress) and a bracelet he had picked out a couple of weeks ago...
This feels so odd because he makes such a production out of doing it with the kids and they just think he loves me and is so nice to me...
I don't really understand if these are gifts of affection or just consolation gifts.
When I was trying to get out the door (which he was sort of slowing down), his friend called up. It is a female friend (definitely nothing romantic) but she is someone I always really liked and I'd call her for recipes when planning parties for H, that kind of thing.
I was like a deer in headlights. I really did not want to see her. She is the one person who for months I have wondered what the hell does she make of this? She always told him in the past when he was being a jerk...what the heck has he told her? I couldn't very well run out and miss her and I was totally unable to shake off the emotion that was stirring. I did my best. I was very friendly but so uncomfortable. And the kids were saying goodbye to their dad and there was too much emotional stuff at once. I just felt sooo self-conscious and totally unwilling to be jovial and glib.
So, after I left I felt so heavy and I even cried and my kids wanted to understand and I found a way to explain honestly but not too much information.
I texted H that I have nothing but affection for X but that it was hard to see her on the spot and it was a little awkward and sad. But all good. [that made no sense]...
mojo evaporation right there.
Then, I thanked him for the presents and he said you're welcome...
And now he goes to live it up with rock star for a couple of weeks.
Robx- what do you make of this? I mean, mind reading is no good and thank God, I am still ok with moving toward D, but I wonder as a guy if you relate to him at all.
Anyhoo, as I explained to my kids, being sad and crying is fine. You feel at move on. And so, that's what I'm doing. Hitting the road with kids in a couple of days for a birthday getaway.
