Alone, Lost, Unloved & Deserve Better

[Livingalone101]

Thank you for responding to my thread. I am glad to know I am not alone but terrified that I may be going through this for a very long time.
HUGS♥

Livingalone,

Thank you for stopping by my thread. I wanted to read up on your situation.

We are very similar in the fact that I don't have close friends here either. I moved to this area to be with H - it is his hometown with his family and his friends. That's why these boards were so important to me - the people here really provided the support that I so desperately needed during the first year of this crisis.

If your H is in MLC, you will have a long road ahead of you. At the beginning, I tried to talk myself into the fact that my H would hurry through the timeline and be done within a year. Not only isn't he in a hurry, but he seems to be in the remedial group and going through the stages at a snail's pace.

You make it through by deciding that you don't want to be on the rollercoaster ride with him. And you get off. And you stop making your days about him (what is he doing, thinking, why is this happening, what is wrong with him, etc., etc.) and start taking a good long look at yourself and figuring out what you need to do to make you happy. And you stop with the would've, should've, could've game, or the "it's not fair" game. If this is MLC, it doesn't matter what you could have done - he is going through this no matter what.

This doesn't mean that you give up hope. But you get realistic about the situation and what you can control and what you can't. You can't control him, you can control you.

And you get through it, minute by minute. It is the worst pain that I have ever experienced. But it gets better with time. That doesn't mean that I don't have my moments, but I am no longer paralyzed for days at a time. I have come such a long way in two years and you will too.

Others here gave you some ideas on what they are doing to keep busy. Force yourself to do things for you. It may seem like faking at the beginning, but that will change.

And take care of yourself. Come to the boards when you need to vent, cry or whatever. You will get responses from people who have been in your situation and truly understand.

Hugs!

w8ing