Help - Husband in MLC

[girlfromoz]

Hi all my friends

Thanks for your support, but it isn't easy.

H has left for work, I did not get up as usual this morning and make his breakfast or lunch, I remained in bed.

He went to the wardrobe looking for his shirts and then came out, didn't ask me anything, just went looking for them. I did feel a pang of guilt about this but that's me and I can't help that.

No warm house, no breakfast waiting and no lunch made. He came over to me and lightly touched me and said he would see me tonight, no kiss or anything like that.

I don't know if any of this made an impression or anything but I did feel it was validated in that why should he be allowed to have fun all weekend with no responsibilities to attend to at home but still think that his comforts at home would be taken care of with no questioning by me.

I don't want to be nasty or vindictive but I don't want to remain a doormat.

[girlfromoz]

Hi LR

I have always been at home waiting for him to come home and then always jumped at the chance to then spend the little bit of time he decided to allocate to me of a weekend.

I never got any thanks for doing everything for him or looking after the house, it was just expected I think.

[Lost Rabbit]

I know exactly what you mean, my H practically pole vaulted out the door when our councellor suggested "trial separation" the first four weeks I couldnt wait to see him on saturday and treasured those five hours he allocated me, last saturday I couldnt meet him as I had a prearranged day out, this saturday he didnt ask if he should come and neither did I ask him, he needs to want to be with me or see if Im ok.. its so hard and I suspect from hints my S has dropped I wont see him next weekend or even till he comes to babysit the cat at the end of September, but I have actually started to feel that any time isnt enough I want to be with someone who wants to be with me! I just hope and pray it will be him again one day.

[girlfromoz]

Hi Fallgirl, thanks for dropping by.

I will hop over to your thread when I get a minute today and have a look.

I haven't done anything about setting boundaries as I really don't know how or what it entails. I am trying not to rock the boat too much at the moment, just going about doing things I want to do slowly now pulling back on being his housekeeper. I want to be an adored and respected wife, friend and lover not someone that is just there to cook wash and iron and nothing else.

And of course learning to be mysterious.

[girlfromoz]

Thanks for the support Dia.

I hope I am doing the right things although I guess it can't make it any worse.

[girlfromoz]

Okay girls and guys here is an email just arrived in my inbox.

Comments definitely needed before I even consider responding to this one.

"Hi,

I suppose things are progressing along and not at a good state.

It seems that you have moved on and have found a new interest?

It might be better if I moved out and gave you some freedom?

Just let me know.


Bub"

This from the man who only a few short weeks ago, wanted out of the marriage and was not moving with me. I view this as turning it around on me now, acting as though I am the one who wants out. What gives. New interest? Is he thinking someone else?

PS This one is urgent.

[Dia]

Ok - first off, I think you should take a step back and laugh your head off. You went out what - once? and already he's paranoid? See how quickly this stuff works?

And no, this is not urgent. You're going to let him dangle a bit, ok?

I'm not so great with what to say back, but I do know you want to wait. Others will be along, I'm sure, so sit back, DO NOT RESPOND, and smile your wicked female smile.

[girlfromoz]

I can't tell you Dia how quickly my jaw hit the floor when the email arrived, I just couldn't believe what I was reading.

To think I only went to buy plants and then to have coffee and didn't iron 5 shirts etc.

I certainly won't answer straight away, I have a sales meeting first up this morning which takes about an hour anyway.

I am smiling from ear to ear Dia it is almost like a little victory, if I wasn't sitting at the front dest in full view I might do a little victory dance as well.

It amazes me how they can so quickly decide they don't want us anymore, but the minute you look like you don't need them all of sudden they want you again.

[kara]

I agree with Dia that it does not require an urgent response. Others will be along for sure.

[Dia]

I think he needs to wait more than an hour, don't you? After all, didn't you just say that you don't come whenever he snaps his fingers anymore? Surely you have lots more important than just one little ol' sales meeting, right?