It's MY life now!!!........

[Silent Chrleader]

Feeling pretty crappy and depressed. Had a busy week, with some good time with my sister. Having a very quiet uneventful long weekend.

My brother is here and he has been drinking. I had to tell him again that this was not OK with me! He is welcome any time so long as he is sober. He is a really good man and I love him dearly but I can't watch him do this to himself anymore.

I have really wanted to call H this weekend. I saw "Sound of Music" yesterday and cried. All those "Catholic" movies remind me of H. But, I know calling him would be a huge mistake. He is up at dream property with GF (and who knows who else).

Some day I would really like to know what if feels like to be loved and accepted and cared for for who I am. I see now that H has never been able to give me that and will likely never be able to do so for anybody. And even though I know this..... I still miss him and it hurts unbearably.

D24 came over yesterday to do laundry so I got great cuddle time with GD. That baby is the one true joy in my life right now.