I haven't ever posted on your thread, but I've been reading with great interest. Although our situations are quite different, one dynamic that's similar is that our wives begin to show interest when WE pull back. I don't understand it...but it sure does exist.
Anyways...the guilt your talking about...is it b/c you still love your wife very much, even with all of the pain she's put you through? You're also probably a very honorable individual, being military and all, so your conscience may be telling you not to give up on your marriage, or at the very least, get a divorce b/f starting up new relationships. Just guessing.
Kind Regards, LFH
ME: 38 W: 35 D2.5 and S5 Married 12 years Separated (same house, different rooms) INILWYAM by W: 4/16/2009 The day W requested a D: 4/17/2009
WOW, Gucci, you were right about this jealousy thing. Got an email from the wife at 5 am that said the following.
"Please stop ignoring me. I suspect you're dating already, even though you said you wouldn't. I am very jealous and would rather know the truth than just suspect. I didn't think it would bother me but it really really really does.
Are you over me? I deserve to know if you know already. I'm the indecisive one, not you.
I dreamed of you all night last night. I took you for granted. You were right when you said I'd regret leaving and not coming back. I do regret it.
I just need closure I guess. This lack of communication really hurts. If it's a payback it's effective, for sure.
I miss you. Honestly."
Ok, I didn't tell her I was dating, just talking to someone. I am so so so tempted to just blast her but I keep reading what you've wrote about not being punitive. Some else on here said living a great life was the best payback also. I want to be rational but I also want to blast her so freaking hard right now because of the way she is acting.
I still don't want her back. So, any ideas on how to proceed other than what I've been doing? Should I just stay the course?
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
I do think she deserves an answer, John. Nothing punitive or meanspirited -- just matter-of-fact.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you -- just been incredibly busy. To answer your question, yes, I have moved on, and am very happy. I hope you can find whatever it is you're looking for as well.
Dia that quote really stuck in my mind! Your so right because you cant want someone back as neither of you are the same but it right to want someone to take your relationship forward..
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Ok, I didn't tell her I was dating, just talking to someone. I am so so so tempted to just blast her but I keep reading what you've wrote about not being punitive. Some else on here said living a great life was the best payback also. I want to be rational but I also want to blast her so freaking hard right now because of the way she is acting.
I don't recommend being punitive. Not necessary. I realize that you want to blast her, but that isn't rational or a good idea.
"I am kinda seeing someone. Yes I am over you and hope this gives you the closure you need. I just suddenly realized that things just were never going to work between us. I don't want to be with a woman that I don't trust or can't be true to me. I don't want to be with a woman who can't decide if she loves me or not. I am sorry that it didn't work out between us and hope that someday we can be friends."
I would think that should give you a way of "tellng her off" without it coming across as angry. I would suggest this approach because it leaves you with all the options and still gets your points across about how you feel about her behavior.
Amazing huh? Jealousy can do what no other thing can. Good job.
Here's the thing. After all this, I started feeling guilty? And I don't understand why. I haven't done anything inappropriate. I haven't talked to anyone about anything out of context. I haven't done anything to violate my vows.
Reject the guilt. When it reappears, reject it again. Self talk.
Talk yourself through it. Then drop it. It will pass.
Wow, you were right. My phone has blown up today. I finally had to put in on silent. Voicemail after voicemail after text after text. Can I come home, please? Please, talk to me. I'm sorry I've hurt you.
UGH, I can see now why it is recommended on here not to do this--very unattractive--a major, major turnoff. If you are reading this and considering begging your spouse for anything--DON'T DO IT!!!
In her last email, she has said that she will attempt to get an assignment if she can't come home.
I simply responded. I don't know how I feel right now. If you want to apply for an assignment, I can't stop you just as I couldn't stop you with all the other choices you've made.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
That's hard. I'm so emotionally jacked up, I had to go for a run--ran for 5 miles before I stopped. I know I haven't done anything wrong and I was feeling fantastic till she started acting "crazier" than usual. I'm working on it Gucci, I'm working on it.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
