Didn't mean to gloss over it. Too long a story for my typing skills to properly explain it.
I think it is 100% a key here. It obviously has been eating away at her for months. Since I can't take it back and have already aplogised and admitted that it was horribly wrong, there is little I can do regarding that issue. If it has hurt her to the point of no return, than it has.
If not, and she does come home at some point, hopefully over time the wound will heal. So..the focus now is what to do if she does come home and what do if she doesn't. I think I am in a holding pattern for a couple of days. Important days they are - they are going to lead to the bomb (or something like that) or to an opportunity to save our marriage a second time.
You hope the wound will heal but if you put in the same effort into the apology for whatever you did (which would probably help us in assisting you here) as you do in these forum posts which really don't tell us anything, I think you're going in circles and getting nowhere.
I'm going to say it like it is and I expect a few users on this forum to get their feathers ruffled by the way I respond but so be it, someone has to say it.
You said you were here a few years ago and you successfully db'ed your marriage but you ended up here again. I don't think you db'ed successfully, if you have done any of what you've done & mentioned in your posts thus far, your wife just came back to you because she had no place to go at that point in time and if she comes back again it will be for the same reason, nothing more.
You post numerous times without really saying anything.
I think you contact her too much, no contact is a principle that works yet you're doing the opposite. Phone calls, emails, texts, facebook games (giving her an animal on farmville or some other such nonsense), asking her if you can go by her work to give her a hug, etc. You were a previous db'er and you forgot everything?!
What do you think all of the above communicates to her? I'll tell you what it communicates to me just from your posts as you write them: you're needy, insecure, not very masculine, not very attractive, selfish (you did something to her that "destroyed" her but don't want to go in details because of your typing skills which appear to be intact counting the number of posts you've made thus far on this thread).
Be a man, own up to what you did whatever you did because apparently it was enough for her to say in her mind, "I've had enough", you have to think about the thought process behind this. You've done something or things so badly that this person doesn't want to live with you or be with you anymore - read this part several times till you get it in your head & understand it. This person was either turned off or hurt so much by your actions that the thought of living with you isn't something they can stomach anymore. I have to wonder what other actions you do perform regularly which make this thought pop up into your wife's head.
Then the talk of moving out, and leaving your bed so that she can sleep there and be comfortable and you will sleep in another room, etc. None of that follows any db principles that I'm aware of.
First you screw up so then you think the way back to her heart is to show her you have little or no value and you would move out of your home or possibly your bedroom? How is any of that attractive? How does that atone for your actions that were hurtful against her? All you would do is "train" her to treat you badly because you've treated her badly in many ways. Is this really what you want?
Apparently she has told her family what you've done and by your own accounts you are now public enemy number 1. Seriously, what the heck did you do to sway all of their opinions uniformly against you that they wouldn't even want you at the hospital during this time?
Own up to what you did, I think it will help us in charting a course for what you can do if anything can be possibly done to get you on the road to fixing your relationship and your personal thought process.
If you're not willing to do any of this, I can't believe you're serious in db'ing and you're just hear to wallow in self-pity and hope people will feel sorry for you.
That's a "2x4", you've just been whacked, if you've been here before, you know you get those from time to time because you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing.
The ball is in your court now, please "don't gloss over" the required details, you want support & help, time for YOU to be HONEST about what you've done to hurt your wife so much. Time to be a man about all of this, that's where it starts.
