Gosh...today has been just a yucky day....I'm just lazing around. Got a call from H who asked that I not put too much stock in the formality of getting the D....whatever...he admits he is not making all the right decisions, but is looking forward to us finding our way back to each other.
I really expressed my concerns today to him and said I wasn't sure he was really being honest with himself...and his reply was "I want us to make it. It may not seem like it to you...but our goal is the same."
SIGH....ok...whatever...I will just go with it. To be honest, I am skeptical (which I told him) but, will go with it until my instincts tell me otherwise. Right now the voice in me is saying...."hang strong and wait it out and don't make any sudden moves"...so, that's what I'm doing. I know everyone else will think I'm crazy...but the best thing I can do for myself right now is trust in who I am...and act accordingly.
Now Ms. MJ....I think you are doing wonderfully....with this letter thing.....believe me, I understand your fear....at this point in our lives...we have no idea what to expect and we have been handed so many doozies...we automatically want to protect ourselves from anymore hurt. Yes, we are handling it...but....it takes its toll.
I don't think I will ever take anyone in my life for granted again. My H was the one person who i thought...as we all did....would never just up and leave me.
I don't want to take up tons of space on ur blog...but, I met a woman this week who is 59 and divorced for the last 20 years...she has been going from one family member's place to the next...spends about a month at every place...and she was crying and telling me she can't understand why her family and close people don't want her.........I really wanted to tell her she needs to get on an antidepressant, into counselling, and start making a plan to live her life on her own terms...instead of the whims of others...know what I mean?
I want and I want for you, too........more than that. Women are amazing....we deal with so much yet it is so easy for us to fall into some mold of emotional weakness. Our emotions are both our weakness and our greatest strength.
The point being....you are doing great! If you are emotionally not ready to read that letter...so be it....listen to your gut! It won't steer you wrong. That is the part we all have to work on...trust yourself. When you are ready....you will read it. And screw how it looks to anyone...even yourself. When the time is right...you will deal with that letter! And if your H asks you when he gets back and you have not read it yet...YES...you tell him that you will get to it when you can.
So don't beat yourself up today or tomorrow. Your assignment for the next 2 days should be to do one thing that you enjoy...simply for yourself and because you can!
....that is going to be my goal for the next 2 days. I think I may go bowling...yes on my own...cuz I enjoy doing so and well....my goal is to give myself some fun!
Let me know how you are doing today. Will check back in a couple of hours.
