Just checking in.....didn't get a chance yesterday. I think you have done a wise thing putting it in your bible.....
Other than that, there is no right or wrong in this. Personally, I would open it, esp. with friend around...but also, to get myself together if the news was bad....or even....good. You don't want to react to him....he is not in control...at least that is the persona we are going after...
But, its up to you and like I said...you have it in a safe place. Just got home 20 min ago, but will be around all day for the next 2 days....will keep checking on you.
You are in my prayers...and lots of hugs MJ. Hang tough. You are a strong wonderful woman and you will handle anything he throws at you. Because with or without him, WHO you are does not change. I feel very lucky and priveleged to have met you.
Have a good evening MJ. Trust yourself. You will handle it and you will have support for that extra boost.
I feel the same about you too girl! I will be with you in thought every step of the way next week. And very much in my prayers. I know you will go with head held high and looking simply fabulous. Remember it's not over until the fat lady sings, goes home, and has dinner. Remember it was after D that Charlyne of Rejoice Marriage Ministries dug her heels in and had it all come back to her. That's what she desired. Orchid you may find a new found freedom that is desireable. Remember what you told me, YOU are in control.
I only wished we could all meet up and be there for each other during the hard times. I am so disappointed in myself these last few days. I can't seem to gather enough strength to open a letter left by H. I've even thought about not mentioning it to him and if he asks, tell him I didn't feel like reading it yet. Here you are facing a D next week, and I can't even open a letter. Now who is the amazing one with all the strength?! Mmmm...
What are you doing with your day off? Do you have a new fab outfit for "Orchid's going in/coming out party?
Gosh...today has been just a yucky day....I'm just lazing around. Got a call from H who asked that I not put too much stock in the formality of getting the D....whatever...he admits he is not making all the right decisions, but is looking forward to us finding our way back to each other.
I really expressed my concerns today to him and said I wasn't sure he was really being honest with himself...and his reply was "I want us to make it. It may not seem like it to you...but our goal is the same."
SIGH....ok...whatever...I will just go with it. To be honest, I am skeptical (which I told him) but, will go with it until my instincts tell me otherwise. Right now the voice in me is saying...."hang strong and wait it out and don't make any sudden moves"...so, that's what I'm doing. I know everyone else will think I'm crazy...but the best thing I can do for myself right now is trust in who I am...and act accordingly.
Now Ms. MJ....I think you are doing wonderfully....with this letter thing.....believe me, I understand your fear....at this point in our lives...we have no idea what to expect and we have been handed so many doozies...we automatically want to protect ourselves from anymore hurt. Yes, we are handling it...but....it takes its toll.
I don't think I will ever take anyone in my life for granted again. My H was the one person who i thought...as we all did....would never just up and leave me.
I don't want to take up tons of space on ur blog...but, I met a woman this week who is 59 and divorced for the last 20 years...she has been going from one family member's place to the next...spends about a month at every place...and she was crying and telling me she can't understand why her family and close people don't want her.........I really wanted to tell her she needs to get on an antidepressant, into counselling, and start making a plan to live her life on her own terms...instead of the whims of others...know what I mean?
I want and I want for you, too........more than that. Women are amazing....we deal with so much yet it is so easy for us to fall into some mold of emotional weakness. Our emotions are both our weakness and our greatest strength.
The point being....you are doing great! If you are emotionally not ready to read that letter...so be it....listen to your gut! It won't steer you wrong. That is the part we all have to work on...trust yourself. When you are ready....you will read it. And screw how it looks to anyone...even yourself. When the time is right...you will deal with that letter! And if your H asks you when he gets back and you have not read it yet...YES...you tell him that you will get to it when you can.
So don't beat yourself up today or tomorrow. Your assignment for the next 2 days should be to do one thing that you enjoy...simply for yourself and because you can!
....that is going to be my goal for the next 2 days. I think I may go bowling...yes on my own...cuz I enjoy doing so and well....my goal is to give myself some fun!
Let me know how you are doing today. Will check back in a couple of hours.
I've decided to open it up tomorrow. I talked with my friend tonight and she convinced me that I needed to do it before H came home. She sounded disappointed in me. She thought I should have had enough STRENGTH and FAITH by now. I should have done this three days ago. She said I made camp in the wrong place. Instead of setting up camp on GODS word and opening this letter right away, I chose to set up in Camp FEAR. I should have set up in Camp FAITH. She also wants me to read Psalm 112:7 over and over again.
So... I need to remember that FEAR contaminates FAITH
He's an MLCer what can I say... He must have come to the part in the manual that says " Put a sealed letter addressed to W on her pillow and scare the bugeebees out of her for a Holiday weekend."
Glad to hear you are doing okay. They do get a pretty crazy manual to go by!
Fear contaminates faith - good thing to remember. That is kind of where I am right now. But maybe not so much fear at the moment as pride and lack of patience. This is tough stuff.
Will your friend be with you to read the letter? Will be thinking about you and praying for you!
Remember - as you always say - the joy of the Lord is your strength!
I opened the letter today to find blah, blah, blah!
He addressed it My Dear MJ, and signed it Best Wishes (insert his name).
It was several pages long filled with justification and pinning the blame on me for the reason we are getting D. He said he was lonely. Ya right! I have sat here for a year watching him live like a teenager and having ow. He also said it was uncomfortable for him living in the same house with a D looming. My thoughts on that is because I have been giving him my unconditional love and it makes him feel like an a*# so he is uncomfortable. Goes on to say that I blame other people for the breakup of our marriage. ( must be referring to other woman) I have never mentioned her to him! He also is misinterpreting my kindness as denial of everything.He also says I want you to have happiness, but it won't be with me. Blah, blah,blah. He says he feels the presence of GOD all around him. That he knows GOD. If he did, he would not be committing adultry.
I was so hoping it would be a remorseful letter. (sigh). I read it, and then went to my friends house to read it to her. I am good. I am strong. I never shed a tear. My friend said it is almost like he wrote that letter to say, "Hey, I'm over here!" Like he needed to get my attention. I have been feeling so at PEACE with myself and showing detachment.
I need to remember no relationship talk! If he asks if I read the letter, I'll just say... "Ya, I read it!" If he asks if I want to talk about it, I'll just say... "I'm sorry you feel that way." OR "I'm sorry you see it like that."
How does it go... Don't believe anything they say, and only half of what you see.
I was so hoping the letter was good news (as were you, I am sure). But you sound like you are doing really well and taking it all in stride. Stick to that no R talk!
