Fallgirl`s Second Thread

[cat04]

Just taking lunch break from yard work and decided to check in.

couple of things--

WHAT are your DB goals for the week? Unless I missed them, you didn't say.

You are not in the US right? It's Labor Day Weekend here, so some may be AWOL for an extra day. I know Mach is in the Big Apple, not sure if back tomorrow or later. Please wait for his advice, the male perspective, you know.

I want to ask you a few things if I may. Please don't take offense.

Do you love your H? Love him like you love your children. Willing to let him make his own mistakes but still be there when/if he needs you?

Do you want to save your marriage? Honestly. Or do you just want some peace?

Do you still have work to do on you? I'm guessing yes.

Are you thinking about calling mediation because H suggested it, because he is pushing for it, because you have to respond legally as they contacted you, or because you don't want to seem like you are standing in his way? Can the mediation not go forward without your cooperation and consent?

Here is what I KNOW. No agreement is needed for them to move out. No agreement is needed for them to get OW. No agreement is needed for them to treat you like crap. No agreement is needed for you to move forward with your life. Your H has talked, has looked at apartments, says he wants to tell the kids. Has he done anything about it? Honestly, has he done much of anything to push this along if he wants it so badly, or is he still trying to get you to do the dirty work?

Personally, until I am done, and I mean done, I will do nothing to move this forward (with one major exception but even that will require much soul searching). If MY H wants a D, I do not even plan on signing the papers. I even told him so. Let the judge do it. If that is what he wants, he is gonna bear all of the responsibility for it. There will be no pretense that this is what I want. I've done that way too many times in my life with him. So a major 180 for me. If my H wants to move out, he will have no help from me. I won't stop him. But I won't help either.

Think, take your time, decide what YOU want, regardless of what HE wants. Because if he really wants it, he can do it without your help. JMO