Success Story

[Hope4us]

I just found out my H has an OW - we are separated, he is a WAS. I don't want to be separated. He says only if I sign legal separation papers and he can continue with OW he will go to therapy "to see where things stand"...sounds like a death toll to me, but my DB instinct says to try LRT and just avoid him and give him space - the pain of the OW being here now is killing me.

I think your instinct is right on the money. He wants OW and he wants you to stay on the sidelines just in case things don't work out with OW.

I think LRT is the way to go. Therapy while one person is involved in an A is a waste of time and money. While he's with OW, he'll never give you and your M a fair chance. LRT also lets you keep your own sanity while your H is off in lala land with OW.

After the A ends (and it will end) and he's had a chance to get through the WD from OW, then your marriage has a chance. LRT lets your H get all his needs filled by OW. And most of them fail miserably. Without reading your sitch, I would suspect that your H also wants you to sign a legal separation agreement so he can say to family and friends "see, H4L is ok with it". Either that or he's afraid of how an A will look to a judge if you guys should D so he wants the papers signed so he can say "we were legally separated, so I wasn't cheating".

Hope this helps. I should have some time this week to spend some more time on here as I'll be out of town for work for a couple weeks and there's not much else to do than sit in a hotel room and surf the internet. I'll take a look at your sitch.

Keep your chin up. These things can turn around. A year and a half ago if you'd have asked me where my M would be right now I'd have told you we'd be divorced. But we're not and while we have a lot to work through, I KNOW we're going to make it.

Hope this helps.