When you say you are thinking of packing up and moving do you mean within Oz or back to the UK?
You are right in saying it feels like you are widowed, that is a very accurate way to describe it. Or for me like living with a stranger who pays board to live in my house.
Don't contact. Hold the line here. Bottom line. Chasing a man and pursuing a man who shows they don't want you doesn't work. What works is to let him come to you and having enough self esteem to hold out until he does.
Hold tight.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Hold onto Gucci's words Nell, if you were out dating again you wouldnt chase the one that obviously was a no go area would you? Just imagine H is that man! My H is so far away he cant see me GAL and as I always tell him I just busy and lots of stuff to do he doesnt know from me, but I blowed if Im gonna tell him what Im doing incase the smug rat sits there thinking hes doing the right thing because its obvious Im doing ok! I know how hard it is to GAL when you feel that the one you have and loved has been so cruelly snatched away from you! Keep going Nell it will get better x
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
OK - here's my latest thought. I have just emailed H's friend in the UK to find out his plans for when he visits Hong Kong mid-month. I am planning to go meet him for a weekend!! How about that for GAL??!!
Evidently, this will depend on whether or not I shall be working but even if I am, I could still go for the weekend. Trouble is, if H found out that I had gone, he would be straight on my case in regard finances ... albeit that the money would be coming from my tax refund.
Also, thoughts are that if I did go, I would REALLY want H to know about it - if he can have a holiday with ow, why can't I go meet OUR friend?!! Equitable, I would have thought!!
Rightly or wrongly, it has lifted my mood and I am now looking at flights and waiting on where said friend is going to stay ... I need to be somewhere near where he would be. Considered mentioning that H might like to to come stay for the weekend but best idea is to be independent and put the furries in the kennel. Also means that H can not come around snooping through the house whilst I am gone!
I like this particular aspect of GAL!!!!!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
That period of n/c was necessary because I had been pursuing and doing all the pre-DBing things so showed h I was 'safe' and he didn't feel pressured from me. It also helped me to be detached so I was no longer desperate when h did contact. This is why you are n/c at the moment Nell. It is quite important in the early stages.
Hi JCJ - thanks for the above. You reckon then for me to stay nc is the right thing at the moment? Re-working the days (and I have just checked his and my emails) there has been total NC for 4 whole days now!
I'm desperate to ask him about the grass and some financials but I just can't give in!!
How are you going??
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Yeah, it also lets them realise what life is like without you. How can they do that if you are still there all the time? It reinforces the view that they need to get away from you if you persue. How long were you dark before he contacted you Nell - 3 days? That's great. Keep going.
I'm good, working up the energy to get up. I love my weekend lie ins
Your plans sound great re Hong Kong and possible move.
If I were you I would start thinking about what the options are if h does only put half the money in this month for the bills.
Just thinking how I love a lie in, when I can get one - another thing that H has escaped from is getting up anytime from 5am to let the babies out!! I am trying to retrain them but it's not as easy said as done, especially when I enforce such an early evening curfew on them!
Just wondering if the Hong Kong thing may be a step too far. This money would be my absolute fall-back plan if H doesn't put the rest of the money in. I think that it's so unfair at the moment and I would purely be rebelling if I took the trip. Maybe that's unfair on him - I have to look at this from both sides, despite what he is doing. We haven't really had a sit down chat about the money (or much else!) and I have no idea what he is expecting to put in - or what he thinks I am currently living off. Fresh air is about the size of it.
Purely for logic sake, we need to talk soon!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Nell - Yes I slept great last night thank you. I did have a couple of dreams I could have done without. Thankfully I went right back to sleep after they woke me up. I relapsed on the Rx and have been taking them to help me get to sleep. Right now I need my rest and I've tried to go without them without much luck. Plus, with sleepless nights I'm worthless in class. I will try to start judging my mental state before bedtime and decide whether I need them or not.
I envy you, I can only daydream about moving out of this house. I'm smacked daily by the images of my W hanging on the walls. My IL's speaking about her. Realtives calling to ask about her. Makes detaching all the more harder. I have resigned myself to the fact that this is my sitch as it stands and I will overcome these obstacles.
IMHO, I think it will do you some good to get away for a spell. Again I envy you for having that ability at hand.
I'm taking the kids to a friends today to spend time with the kiddos and enjoy some face to face friendship. It will be a nice break from the normal daily routine. A positive GAL ... right!?!
Hope you sleep well and wake refreshed with the best PMA one can have.
Shane
Me 44 WAW 37 S 14 D 12
M 18 yrs T 20 yrs WAS 7-27-09 WAS #2 6-10-11
"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome."
