My experience is that last summer, when I started DBing, I went n/c and only let h initiate, which he did every 10 days or so (mostly annoying ones asking if I was ok and could we sell the house!!). Then in Oct/ Nov it went more n/c then in January it reignited a little and has progressed since then to when we sold the house. That period of n/c was necessary because I had been pursuing and doing all the pre-DBing things so showed h I was 'safe' and he didn't feel pressured from me. It also helped me to be detached so I was no longer desperate when h did contact. This is why you are n/c at the moment Nell. It is quite important in the early stages.
However Cas, you are further along. Your h does not view you as pursuing therefore I think you may have gone dark because you were annoyed at the dynamic of the friendship so wanted to shake it up a little. He hasn't reacted as yet. As you say though he may not have realised.
I am thinking, how long has it been? I would give it another week after him realising you were in the house and didn't say hello and see what happens. If nothing happens then we can look at some different strategies for 'coming out of the dark' rather than reacting with divorce - unless that is what you truly want.
There is a thread that JamesJohn wrote about coming out of the dark which is on the solution workshop page. It might be worth reading through that for ideas.
Bonny, I don't think it will look like backing down because h has no idea you are using a strategy on him. So long as you don't have a pursuing reason and do it right it should be fine.
