Just so you know...

[bluerain]

Ok, this is an email that Ive been thinking about sending to H

Hi H,

Like you said in your last email to me, I have some things that I want you to know. Im giving you fair warning, if you don’t want to hear it, then don’t read on.


I really want you to know that I am sorry if I made you feel inferior, I have always thought that you were very bright, if I ever had a question, I knew that I could ask you and get an accurate answer.

I never wanted to make you feel rejected, I have never wanted to share myself with someone like I did you, mind, body, emotion, all of it.

I wish that I hadnt made you feel like you couldn’t tell me what you were thinking. I wanted nothing more than the intimacy that that honesty would have brought us. Too often I think that we don’t bring up our deepest concerns for fear of upsetting the person who is dearest to us.

Once you said that it never felt like we were permanent. I want you to know that I never questioned our permanence, but I also never, ever thought that I would have to live a life without you. I never imagined that there would be a time when you wouldn’t be here with me.

I want you to know that I do accept responsibility for my part in our downfall. I do not justify all of the decisions that you made, but I do realize that I had a part in your unhappiness, and Im sorry, I wish that you could have been honest with me about it, but I understand that you didnt feel like you could be.


I dont know if it would make a difference right now, it might do more harm than good. I dont know. But maybe if there is a chance to out it out there I will. Too bad I dont have a chance to follow the 48 hour rule...