Here you loud and clear. Today was a good day for me. A confident day. I do believe you're right. It was kind of funny tonight. I was doing homework with two of my sons. My wife kept getting aggravated that they wern't getting it. She preceded to say to me why are you not getting upset. That is what you used to do with our other son when he was procratinating and not getting the concept. I said yea, I used to. And left it at that and just kept on with the homework. While she poured her third or fourth glass of wine for the night and went to watch tv while I finshed the homework with my boys...
VERSES:
Originally Posted By: d1adsl5a
Here you loud and clear. Today was a good day for me. A confident day. I do believe you're right. Tonight I was doing homework with two of my sons.
So, a day with drama. Not going to say that I wasn't down for awhile today. But was happy at home..
It has been a great week. Never been more confident in the last four months. Been happy at home and at work for the most part. Yesterday, the W says I still feel so much tension between us. I told her that is not me, I'm fine these days. She said I know, it is me. Our tv had broke in our(her) room. So we went and bought a new tv. On the way back, kids were screaming in back. She is going out tonight with her divorced friend. She has counted on her fingers that she is down to 3 friends left who will go out with her..Anyway, on the way home, I attempted to empathize with her. I said I'm sure you are ready to go out now.
That started world war 3. You said that in front of the kids, now I am bad for going out. She then yelled for the next couple minutes. I said we are falling into the same trap, you yell, I placate, nothing ever gets solved.
I said you need to talk to me if you want me to hear you. She says fine.
I am angry that you have turned the kids against me because I go out. I am angry that I am unhappy in my marriage. I am angry that you are always sarcastic.
I had to defend myself. I couldn't just walk away. I just simply said, I see you are tense and aggravated at times, I am simply just trying to lighten the mood. I am actually trying to make you laugh. So no, I am not sarcastic that much anymore. I said you need to let your guard or wall down sometimes if you want to talk. I have to walk on eggshells around you.
The one thing that I do feel is that I am starting to feel OK if this doesn't work out. Probably helps my confidence a bit as well. This woman that I am married to is probably the most angry, sad, unloving person I know right now. Other than how she looks(which is still quite hot and she dressed in her ususal cougar outfit tonight) there is nothing really attractive about her to me. Beauty is only skin deep.
Anyway Mach, just venting
Remarried 6 mo S 12 S 13 S 16 SD 12 SD 16 SD 17 SS 19
You two had a good talk there. You told her she needed to calm down to talk to you and she did. And she told you you are sarcastic too often, and you defended. Why? Can you judge how much sarcasm is too much sarcasm for her? If she says it's too much for her, then it is. So, you can improve the way you deal with her by listening to what she says. Both of you learned something in that conversation. You are ahead of most couples. You could improve the communication and improve your marriage. But you are not doing too badly already.
You should try to get her to go to a Retrouvaille weekend with you. That would fix the communication and teach you both to compromise. Check the website, www.helpourmarriage.org for dates and locations. It can completely change your marriage from an unhappy one to a happy one. Read about the 4 stages of marriage on the website.
Hey Sara: We are going to retrouville Octoberr 23rd. Sometimes I don't feel I can wait that long. I know that I shouldn't be banking on retrouville to save the marriage. Just getting tired of her going out, tired of her anger. It was another weekend of her going on with god knows who and god knows where. We did have another little text battle. Me saying you need to let your wall down a bit if you want to communicate and you need to try and trust again. Her giving her one word replys--Nope. I did send a note back that I don't buy her tough talk. I know there is part of you in there that wants to let it down, but you are choosing not to, choosing not to trust.
Tired of her not giving one effort after four months...
Remarried 6 mo S 12 S 13 S 16 SD 12 SD 16 SD 17 SS 19
Sounds like she plans to continue her ways for the next 6 weeks. Retrouvaille will have someone call to confirm and ask each of you if you are involved with a 3rd party, and if you will go to Retrouvaille with an open mind and a willing heart.
What is it she is getting out of these late nights out? She has 3 young children at home. What is she taking time away from to spend it in this way?
I don't think you get it,,,,she is working on herself..Actually, she has divorced my family and friends. So anything where we are invited out to, she declines. She doesn't want to face anyone that has judged her. I take the kids. And she goes out to the bars...Even if I don't, she will still head out a couple nights per week. Usually one of the nights is a 3am night. I don't know how she can look in the mirror and think it is ok either.
Strange night tonight. I took my one son to a 5k race this morning. She was one of the helpers in the race. Then we took the kids to a water park an hour away. Silence the whole way there and back between us. Then I make dinner for the family and clean the kitchen and make a cake with my other son and then take the other son for a walk.
During the walk, my one neighbor says, I hear you made dinner. My W was out and mentioned something. Could that be her bragging?? No Way.
This is the second week of my W first job in 10 years. It is on T, Th from 9:30 to 2pm. I didn't help much last week. But I said are you working tomorrow, I will help get the kids ready. It set off the tough talk, you haven't helped me in all our marriage, why you starting now...I told her to just cut off the tough talk, drop the wall...
I just said why are you just so angry at me when I am trying to help.
She then said, I see you are making changes for yourself and trying. I am working on my self and I am not interested in your feelings right now. The working on myself has been constant line for 4 months. I then did a temperature check...I said, I am not holding you back here from leaving. I usually get, I'm done, I want the D...You name it. Then she said that isn't what I am talking about. I really am trying to work on me. I left it at that and walked away...
I'll take it as a postive.
Remarried 6 mo S 12 S 13 S 16 SD 12 SD 16 SD 17 SS 19
