trying hard to figure things out

[twistfigure]

This week has been really hard. My thirtieth birthday was Tuesday and I got a card and an email from H's mother but not a word from him. He had put in for a weeks vacation for this week earlier in the year so we could go somewhere big for my birthday. I guess he decided to still use the vacation time for himself. Also I noticed a charge on my credit card from blockbuster. apparently my card is attached to his account. He rented movies a month ago and still has not returned them. Very uncharacteristic of him. He is usually a day or two late but a month???? And today is the anniversary of our first kiss, not that he would remember that but I am very emotional and trying my best not to email him. I just feel as though every day apart makes my love for him grow and it hurts so badly to know that he is using everyday to get over me. I feel so pathetic and even though I am out there and GAL and doing for me, I feel like I can't breathe without him. He is the exact male version of me so everything I do or see or hear reminds me in someway of him.