Bugs Bunny:"GET ME OUTTA HERE"

[25yearsmlc]

I am BM...thanks. I am ready to meet a new woman and start life anew. This just needs to get done. Outside of reaching a settlement, there should be no further need to exude anger, hate, etc. I read your post and don't feel bad about the ring thing. Yes..it stings for awhile. Leave him to his own devices.

Favorite Alaskan village names:

1. Unalakleet
2. Anuktuvuk
3. Eggegik

Must add here, Yakutak INTERNATIONAL Airport, which has a flight to Whitehorse Canada, thereby making it "international"...and TOK, which had been Tokyo until WWII and then they just dropped the "yo" and my other fav, "Naknuk"...your nasty memories mirror mind. I'll just add that my zero 'F freezer was much warmer than the outdoors so really going INTO the freezer sometimes just warmed me up....
Nasty memories of Alaska:

1. the insidious cold..will never forget how quickly you lose sensation in your fingers
2. trying an 'Eskimo ear pull' and losing (OUCH)
3. muktuk
4. Eskimo version of ice cream (lingonberries and seal lard)
5. driving 3-5 hours to arrive where you want to get to in time to have enough sunlight to see what you want to see when you get there
6. the hospital menu: fish, fish, fish, fish
7. Chilkoot Charlies..somebody got busted up there every night

FIB

I did stand up comedy at Club Detour where someone got stabbed, but NOT during my show...

Makes me appreciate having normal air to breathe (infants could NOT go out in the winter b/c it was literally too cold for their lungs...wth?)

But in case Jack3 gets upset...Jack3, I would not trade those Alaskan memories for anything, except for h's mlc, I mean.
J-

[faithisbelieving]

Kerry...thanks for that pic. I almost forgot that look. Imagine seeing all those looks in he hospital waiting room.

Muktuk...P.U. How does one eat something that smells that way?

Met up with BM and Mach1 and Jimbo this weekend.

MMMMMMMM....donuts.....

FIB

[faithisbelieving]

To Jack3B...thanks for listening.

STBXW is ramping up the tension again in front of the children. She has now descended to mimicking me in front of the kids.

1) I did 4 loads of laundry last night. When I put the kids in the tub and shower, STBXW came home. I went down to get S9's bedding to make the bed (it was soiled), SHE had made the bed with a 2 year old sheet. I started to take it down to put the padded Teflon liner underneath to protect the mattress from accidents (big mistake). She went nuts on me. Pulled the sheets out of my hand and caused a huge scene.

2) S9 slept all night in his bed and came into the BR around 6/630 and hopped onto the bed. STBXW chided him in front of S6 on the first morning of school. "Daddy is not allowed to sleep with you...yada yada yada". Ironically, STBXW told them it was OK to come in during storms and bad dreams.

3) This morning I called my son over and asked a neighbor to take a pic of us before going to school. My STBXW mimicked me.

It's so petty. It's so sad.

FIB

[Bworl]

FIB,

I hope you're able to begin dreaming a bit of what shape you would like your post-divorce life to take. In the face of the regular barrage your wife throws at you, seems like it would be nice to begin considering the light at the end of the tunnel.

I grieve for her a bit Frank, I know it's terrible to say. With all the damage she keeps trying to do to you, it's seems an odd thought. But I'm pretty sure that she has no idea of the pain she's going to experience in the not too distant future. In a way it's kind of like watching someone self-destruct - it's just sad.

You on the other hand, and your wonderful children, well, you both have a new kind of life to build. There will be new experiences together, and they will be free of the influence of your wife and her darkness. Your days with the kids will finally be your days, and she won't be able to mess with them. Your new home will be YOUR home, and she won't be creating bad memories there.

And of course you know that eventually, one day down the road, you will begin to reach out to others. Someone will come in to your life and you'll have that familiar sensation of things clicking just right.

Till then it's survival, right? How much more could she do that she hasn't already done? I hate it for you, and I hate it for your kids. At the same time I am so incredibly glad that you've taken all this time to dig deeply into yourself and have emerged as a man and father who is more than up to the task of helping your children find their way.


Sorry I don't ever seem to be available when you call. I'd love to catch up with you sometime. Now that school and football are back in, the days are long. I am still here however and still following right along beside you.


Blessings,

Bill

[faithisbelieving]

You're a good man Bill. I reach. I understand. It is not easy to walk away from this and allow my son to see such stuff occur, but, afterwards, I try and reassure him in a way that does not denigrate her.

My L would say, "FIB...we've kept you in the house. You get to see your kids everyday. Many of my men clients get thrown out of the house right away. Stay strong and make the time quality. " She repeats most of what you write Bill.

There really is just NO reason to do this in front of the children anymore. Truly. Just no reason.

FIB

[smith18]

In the face of the regular barrage your wife throws at you, seems like it would be nice to begin considering the light at the end of the tunnel.

I cant resist a little humor...

Due to the recession, to save on energy costs, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off. -- God.

Frank, I predict that within a year that you will once again experience the warm fuzzy feeling one gets when they meet someone they especially like.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

FIB,

Per our conversation:

A whimp, wouldn't be worried that other people saw him as a whimp, it wouldn't even cross his mind.

Survive these next few months, swallow all that you can, survive with as much as you can intact.

After this, is your time to truely lead by example.

Your fears while founded, are uneeded by your course of future action and life.

Down the road, when you're having a beer with your adult son, and he asks, "Dad, why did it seem like you rolled over for mom alot?"

You can answer honestly.

"I needed to get the best arrangement from the state in visitation for you and your sister, sometimes when life gives you a sh1t sandwhich you just have to chew through it."

He can look at you with understanding and admiration, cause if anyone understands your crazy ex-wife it would be your children, and then you can add, "Plus, I never had an air tight alibi, and the primary suspect always needs an air tight alibi."

[Was2sad]

There's no explaining, nor is there likely going to be any end to the emotional chaos. Prior to physically separating ourselves, I experienced similar instances of over reacting from a once loving person.

There was this deep need for independence in every sense of the word, and of course nothing I did was right. While suffering a stiff and painful back she could drop a pencil and heaven forbid I try to pick it up or offer any kind of assistance - ever. Any such action would immediately and regularly result in an outburst of anger filled with demands that I stop trying to help, in any way. I think we've seen this as part of how MLCers respond to their mix of guilt and resentment.

When they want you out of their life, your presence is probably percieved as the single greatest disturbance in their universe. No act of kindness is appreciated. "No Mercy" is their battle cry, even when you sense no reason to bear arms.

As impossible as it is to understand, overlook, or avoid taking personal ... let it go. If the unexplained interactions between the two of you are affecting the kids, it could be worth trying to discuss a "script" for morning and evening duties where the kids are involved. Think of discussing this with your IC. Wouldn't it be great if you could both agree on some method for declaring a mutual time out when things don't seem to following the script? Maybe a way to "step" through situation resolution along predetermined lines. (No Winners - No Losers ... just a get it done for the kids outline)

What would trigger her anger most, not sticking to a plan, or not having one she feels part of? Could the IC suggest any way to mitigate her overwhelming need to control and punish you? She can't and won't try to control her sense of resentment toward you for things she can't even explain. It is just who she is now, and will probably always be. You need some mutual rules of engagement - and disengagement. A time machine, Genie bottle, and fallout shelter probably wouldn't hurt either.

[dl443322]

Bworl, beautiful.

FIB, my friend, I wish that I could give you an explanation for her behaviour that would make sense. But I cant.

So, please try not to figure out the demons that drive her because it matters not.

What matters to me is you. You and your kids. Trust me when I tell you that your children, while they obviously cant understand it all, they feel what's right. They know their father. Inside, they know. Children have an uncanny ability to be able to see things for what they are.

I know that this is not the life you wanted for yourself or your children. I know that you are torn up inside about it all.

So, I will say this because I believe it down to my core. What is supposed to happen, will happen, in the way it should.

Let go of the life you thought you were going to have so that you can embrace a new life for yourself and your children.

We talked about this. Children dont have to be with you everyday. They just need their daddy to love them, to be present during their time together, to feel safe with him. Your children have that with you.

You are an amazing man. You have carried youself with dignity, honor and strength. I am priviledged to know you.

I pray for you a life filled with serenity and peace, happiness and contentment. You deserve nothing less.

[25yearsmlc]

FIB,

Per our conversation:
Survive these next few months, swallow all that you can, survive with as much as you can intact.
After this, is your time to truely lead by example.
Your fears while founded, are uneeded by your course of future action and life.
Down the road, when you're having a beer with your adult son, and he asks, "Dad, why did it seem like you rolled over for mom alot?"
You can answer honestly.

"I needed to get the best arrangement from the state in visitation for you and your sister, sometimes when life gives you a sh1t sandwhich you just have to chew through it."
He can look at you with understanding and admiration, cause if anyone understands your crazy ex-wife it would be your children, and then you can add, "Plus, I never had an air tight alibi, and the primary suspect always needs an air tight alibi."

exactly....SOOOOO on point. Hang in there Frank, it's not that much longer. What, 100 days? 30? (SIGH) And like Bworl, I do grieve for your w too. What an idiotically inclined selfish woman. Truly zero self awareness or insight. Yes, good luck to HER next catch...God help him.
((( j )))