UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Eskimo Nell]

Thanks Cas! I really need to do lots of thinking ... I don't feel ready right now to move, is the honest response but I am not dismissing it either - I think that's as fair as I can be upon myself.

Meanwhile, spending every day lurking around on here is not giving me any long (or even short) term solutions. I think that I am going to go fix myself some lunch, grab a cuppa and then get DR and start all over from scratch, trying to work on a plan. I feel like I have jumped in head long, taken a bit of this and a bit of that, advice from DB'ers and, in panic mode, jumped straight in to no contact with H. People who go more slowly appear to have worked out their methodology and appear to be doing much better. I always was an 'act first think later' type person, which is not always right, I learn to my horror now that H has moved out.

I don't know what's going to work best as nothing I have done seems to affect him one iota. 180's are unnoticed, NC - he doesn't care ... positive affirmation, thinks that I am loopy or sucking up to him ... NOTHING works. I feel that this is a dead horse that I am pushing up the mountain.

My anger is resurfacing at times ... I just think "how dare he leave me like this - how dare he take it for granted that I will look after the house and the pets - how dare he escape from his responsibilities leaving it all to me whilst he GAL and I continue to die inside". Of course, I have not said these things to him but I would like too .. all barr the last one, of course!