A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

Here's another email to H, dated Jan 17, 09. We had just gotten off the phone from a really good chat. We laughed, we joked - it was like old times. Over the phone, I could hear one of our cats meowing, so he snapped a pic of her and sent it to me via email.
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1/17/09

A thought or two...

I'm single. It's a little strange, and I guess at the moment, it's only in my head. I haven't officially broken it off with OM, though that will probably come any day now. He hasn't been here for me to have the opportunity really, and I'm not going to send an email.

So being single, there this weird freedom. I can call you if I feel like it without worrying what OM or anyone will think. I'm my own person. I'm not sure what sort of arrangement you have with OW about it being exclusive or not, but that's yours to handle. If I feel like emailing you or calling you, I'm going to. If I feel like taking N to Disneyland some weekend and I feel like inviting you, I'm going to. Hell, if I have my own place and I feel like inviting you down for a weekend, I'm going to. And I'll leave you to manage whatever boundaries need to be managed on your side.

If the divorce gets kicked back for technical reasons, I will most likely not file it again. I will most likely decide that the universe just doesn't want us to get divorced and I will turn the papers over to you to file. If you file them, no harm, no foul. If you don't - well, we figure it out from there. No pressure, no expectations - but... I like you. I like talking to you, I like spending time with you. You 'get' me on a level I haven't found elsewhere and really like.

If I move out, I'm putting my wedding ring back on regardless of the legal situation. This isn't to make you feel any sort of guilt or obligation, it's just a statement of my own inner reality. I'm sooooo not interested in looking for anyone else.

Cheers,

Dia