Just a thought - have you done any of that 'going out on your own', get-mysterious kind of stuff? I keep saying I will but I haven't yet - gotta fix that. Anyhow, I never hear you talk about it unless it's kid-related. Try it and see what happens?
Cheers!
Dia
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
I did early on, but have not in a while. I plan to start that back up. Mostly meeting friends for dinner anda movie. But I want to do some different things as well.
Another unsurprising evening. Beats the alternative for sure.
Felt a little resentment at W tonight. W was certainly pleasant this evening. Very talkative. She made the pizza tonight (we always do pizza and a movie with the kids on friday night) and, as with most bread products (we and our friends have a running joke about this), she left the pizza in too long. Kinda crunchy. I just laughed about it, said don't worry about it, and then choked down a copule of pieces.
It is strange to spend an evening with my W b/c she acts more an more like my W, not the alien she has not been in a while. She acts like my W right up until it's time to go to bed, then we retreat to our seperate corners of the ring. No sign she has any interest in moving back to "our" room (I refuse to call it the master unless I have to). It doesn't affect me terribly, but admittedly, I wish she would move back to our room. But, I think I can wait. Maybe.
Man, the love bucket is quite dry and empty. I have almost forgotten what it feels like to be loved by her. And that is sad to say, but it's true.
Well, at least I now know I love myself, whether she does or not.
I know the feeling. H comes over and acts like my H but then the butthead goes to his apartment and writes up papers with his lawyer. It's so confusing.
On a lighter note, she's in the house. Don't forget that. She's still there that shows she's involved no matter what her words say.
Jealous here -= I love it when my H is around enough to sleep in the other room. He claims he does it "to be here for our S." Actions speak louder than words, remember!!!!
So S and I are going to watch football this afternoon (our team)and W is taking D to a swimming party at one of D's house - actually more of a small get together.
Still dealing with some resentment/impatience with W as well as those "do I really want her back" feelings. I can recognize the latter come from my needs not being met for what seems like a while (4 mos) and that my feelings for W could be re-kindled, but she's got to show some sign of wanting to work on the M. If she doesn't, ok, I can move on. Damn this waiting.
This temporary phase will pass. Just needed to get it out.
Also did a great job not letting her bait me into an argument. My perception of her (which is mind reading to an extent) is she always has to be right, even when she isn't. This is a BIG deal we will have to work on should that day come. I was very close to arguing with her, but made myself not. Didn't let her make me a doormat - those days are long gone.
Feel very distant from W. Nothing she's done. I just have absolutely no attraction to her. In fact, tonight, it was work just to sit in the same room with her. Tonight, her attempts at humor and chattiness actually turned me off quite a bit. I know I'm supposed to be trying to reconnect, but I really don't feel like it today or tonight. I suppose I'm entitled to the occasional "bad" day if that's what this is.
The more I think about it, the more I realize I am disaapointed that W took D to a gathering of three other couples and their kids. Here is the ridiculous part - she kind of asked me earlier in the week if S and I wanted to go. Said no, S and I wanted to watch the 3:30 game. Then, I was disappointed she went rather than watch the game with us. I know how ridiculous I am being. Perhaps this is just the vent through which my other pent up emotions are flowing at the moment.
Very strange. Not falling off the wagon, and I'm sure I'll be fine in the morning. Just not liking her very much tonight.
What you have there is an example of why love is not a feeling. Because feelings come and go. Love is deeper than that. Love is a choice. Are you choosing not to love your wife anymore? Perhaps that is the reason you are having these other feelings.
No, I am not choosing not to love my W (double negative). I want my family intact, and that includes my W.
Probably just self pity, which I hate. That, and a little emotional fatigue from carrying the load alone and teh empty love bank thing. But, hey, I signed up for that plan.
And if you feel like taking a risk, look into your wife's eyes and tell her you wish you'd gone to the event with her, that even though you enjoyed the game, you missed being with her and wish you'd spent the time together.
Be sure to make 'I' statements, not 'you' statements.
e.g. 'I missed you', not 'You left me'.
Last edited by Dia; 09/06/0903:28 AM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
MUCH better this morning. I think I can chalk last night up to feeling pretty tired. I read from one of Coach's posts about an acronym: HALT for triggers of negative behavior/feelings:
Hungry Angry L - cant remember what this one is Tired
Was definitely tired (and maybe a bit angry) last night. Anyway, the night's rest did me a world of good.
Don't have any plans for today. But, I want to get some. S is spending the night with a friend, so it's just me, W and D tonight. Picked up some gorgeous Ahi Tuna steaks that I am going to grill. Just have to pick the marinade - probably a little lime with cracked black pepper or a soy/ginger one. I really like to cook, so this is sort of an activity in itself.
Wish I had made a tee time to play golf today. May still look.
So, focus today will be PMA, feeling stronger, and having fun.
