In Limbo

[d1adsl5a]

It has been a great week. Never been more confident in the last four months. Been happy at home and at work for the most part. Yesterday, the W says I still feel so much tension between us. I told her that is not me, I'm fine these days. She said I know, it is me. Our tv had broke in our(her) room. So we went and bought a new tv. On the way back, kids were screaming in back. She is going out tonight with her divorced friend. She has counted on her fingers that she is down to 3 friends left who will go out with her..Anyway, on the way home, I attempted to empathize with her. I said I'm sure you are ready to go out now.

That started world war 3. You said that in front of the kids, now I am bad for going out. She then yelled for the next couple minutes. I said we are falling into the same trap, you yell, I placate, nothing ever gets solved.

I said you need to talk to me if you want me to hear you. She says fine.

I am angry that you have turned the kids against me because I go out. I am angry that I am unhappy in my marriage. I am angry that you are always sarcastic.

I had to defend myself. I couldn't just walk away. I just simply said, I see you are tense and aggravated at times, I am simply just trying to lighten the mood. I am actually trying to make you laugh. So no, I am not sarcastic that much anymore. I said you need to let your guard or wall down sometimes if you want to talk. I have to walk on eggshells around you.

The one thing that I do feel is that I am starting to feel OK if this doesn't work out. Probably helps my confidence a bit as well. This woman that I am married to is probably the most angry, sad, unloving person I know right now. Other than how she looks(which is still quite hot and she dressed in her ususal cougar outfit tonight) there is nothing really attractive about her to me. Beauty is only skin deep.

Anyway Mach, just venting