A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

Wow, another HUGE interaction.

As I was sorting through boxes, I found a pic of our son when he was about 2 years old. He's holding a little plant that was a gift for something like Mother's Day or Father's Day. I showed the pic to H, who gazed at it for a long moment and remarked how tiny kidlet was.

I turned around to a newly organized bookshelf and found a place for the photo. As I turned to leave, H called my name - I wasn't sure I heard him.

Dia: Yes? Did you call me?

H: When I look at that picture, I feel guilt.

He went on to express doubts and vulnerabilities about himself as a father. He asked me outright if he was a bad father. I stroked his shoulder and listened. Then I said that I felt the same way - that there were times when I felt I was a bad mother, that I had doubts and insecurities, too. I told him I didn't think he was a bad father, and I gave a list of the really great stuff he's been doing with and for kidlet lately. I told him how impressed I was.

Then I said that when I had those guilts and insecurities of my own, I used them to power change, to make me a *better* mother.

He listened. He nodded.

H: Thank you, Dia. Thank you for comforting me. I needed to hear those things from you because that's not what I thought.
(i.e. He thought I thought he was a bad father.)

This makes twice in 2 or three days that he's felt comfortable sharing a troubling inner reality with me, a vulnerability, an insecurity.

My interpretation: He's beginning to open up to me. He's beginning to trust me, and more specifically, to trust that I won't hurt him when he's vulnerable. He's beginning to let me in.

This is very, very good.