I'm in the NE corner of the state (the corner thats used to major letdowns by its sports teams on a regular basis). Does that add a couple more hours?
It sure does. It probably shaves a couple of hours off.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
You have been on one heck of an emotional roller coaster with all of this and it really seems like your H does not give a rat's A$$ about how you feel.
I agree with everybody that you H is just stalling on you and going to the MC because he probably knows deep down that the MC is not going to be in his 'corner'.
Question???? If you give him a week and you set if out in front of him what you want from him, then what makes you think that he won't just 'play' you and act the way you want him to just long enough to make you stay? Just trying to look at it from all angles.
Have you been to see your IC? What is the IC saying about him stalling, you giving him more time, you moving out?
I am thinking about you and praying for patience for you in this hard time. I would pray for strength for you but if your anything like me, you might beat your H if you had the strength. (LOL on that joke I hope!!!)
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
Last edited by lost-n-Iowa; 08/31/0903:12 AM. Reason: grammer
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
and the bedroom front... and the MC front... and the apartment front...
Not one word has been said, and it's driving me crazy. Often we just sit there in silence unless its about the kids or a little polite chit chat. It feels like the silence can be as unnerving as fighting sometimes. H said previously that he wanted to talk some more before we saw the MC, but has not been in a mood to discuss anything for two weeks. With his chronic sinus and sleep issues, he's always run down, and usually irritable. I've often wondered if he's dealing with depression too, not that he would admit it himself. I wanted to try talking this weekend, but was nervous to approach him with the topic considering his mood. Let me rephrase that- I didn't WANT to talk to him, but since I knew that he wanted to, I wanted to get it over with. I'll try again tonight and see if he's approachable.
He hasn't asked for any kind of sexual favors lately, but I still feel the bed shaking on occasion as he takes care if it himself so I know it's on his mind. And he's still checking his single male profile (Status: married but looking). I really wanted to have talked to the MC by now and have an idea of which way this marriage is going. I hate the limbo, just like everyone else here.
Let me rephrase that- I didn't WANT to talk to him, but since I knew that he wanted to, I wanted to get it over with.
He doesn't really want to talk about it. He just said that to stop you from moving forward. He's playing you, I have very little doubt. He thinks he can continue to do it, because he has done it for years.
I believe your best option is to go forward with moving out. If he really wants to talk, he will. I think it's much more likely he will try to bully you into staying.
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
And I think the chance of him changing is slim to none. His core values are seriously out of line and he's thinking that in time, he can drag you back to where you were.
You need to get out. Go to C without him because he'll just be fake with them too.
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
Update- Not much new. We have a MC session schedule for Thursday evening. Anyone taking bets on whether H goes this time? I am whether he does or not, but I think he will. Still no talking tho. I am letting him lead on this one since he was the one who said he wanted to talk more; I’m content to wait until we’re in front of the MC before I open my mouth again. (Whether it’s for talking or anything else! ) I've been avoiding popsicles for the last three weeks, don't want to start anything I don't want to finish!!
Random Observations and Ramblings: 1) Orich has spent a considerable amount of time lately pondering the reasons behind his W putting on and removing her rings. My H was the total opposite. I stopped wearing my ring in Jan., 2008 and he didn’t realize it until I pointed it out a few months ago. He failed to notice FOR OVER A YEAR!! As I mentioned to Orich, there’s got to be a happy medium between obsessive and obliviousness.
And the reason I stopped wearing my ring? I had reached the point of "F--- it" in regards to my M in my heart, even if I wasn’t ready to take action. I was starting to realize this was not the kind of M that I wanted or needed. And it wasn’t my actual wedding ring anyways; it was a cheapy replacement that I got at Wal-Mart. The original had been cut-off when I was pregnant. I attempted to get it repaired a few years ago after we had our previous troubles. Well, H flipped out when I told him that I had taken it to the jewelers. He was absolutely furious. I returned to the store to retrieve the ring immediately. I was crying all the way there and I was so embarrassed to pick it up and explain why. When we discussed the ring a few months ago, all H had to say about it was that he was in a bad place at the time, and that I could get it fixed now if I wanted to. I have no desire to; I’m the one in a bad place now. I look at the ring and I still feel the sickness in my stomach from that fight. What comes to mind is the pain, not the joy from when he first put it on my finger. Maybe I should have gotten over that by now, but I haven’t. It was a deep hurt.
2) CIPA is having big problems with the thought that his W put another guy’s d___ in her mouth. I am glad to know there are guys out there that see this as an issue, as obviously my H doesn’t. In fact, he thought it was a good for my self-esteem and ego to have the attention from another guy. He liked to be there when I did another guy, but was OK if he wasn’t. “Take the camera and bring me back some pics!” He would want to hear the details as he found it very arousing, but I told him that I prefer to keep my encounters private. He was OK with that anyways, the idea was enough for him, and he loved doing me when I got home after being with another guy. I still can’t get my head around that one. After he returned from being with another woman, I couldn’t go near him, didn’t want any info, nothing.
3) When a swinger is asked how he can give his W away to another guy, a typical response is that the couple realizes that they could never satisfy each other totally, and they love and trust each other enough to know that their partner would never leave them. Here’s a standard reply as to why a couple are swingers from a swingers board:
I have learned a lot about my s/o. Discussing sharing such intimacy forced us to really discuss issues such as trust and honesty. I have never trusted anyone as much as I do __________. She says she feels the same about me. I honestly feel that swinging has been an asset to our communication skills and opened doors that would have never been seen without it. We also learned a lot about each others limits, pleasures, fantasies, as well as love making preferences.
These types of replies felt holier than thou to me- Swingers love and trust their spouses so much more because they are willing to share these experiences together. How do you argue against that? H told me the same thing. Why wouldn’t I want to accept his gift of allowing me to sleep with another guy? He couldn’t understand it.
H tells me that swinging is a minor issue to him. Well, it’s huge to me. And I think he’s full of sh!t when he says it’s minor to him. He still checks his single male profile. His status is “Married but looking”. At least he’s honest. Good luck with that one H!! He did much better when I was along for the ride. Whatever, at least he’s leaving me alone for now. I still the bed shaking on occasion when he takes care of things himself, but at least I don’t let it bother me anymore. Again, a big “whatever”.
Can’t wait for Thursday- it should be quite a show.
I am going to place my bet on..... He will find some excuse for not going.
Hope you still go like you said you were. You really need to get some sort of C started to help you if not help your M.
Good luck on Thursday. I will be out of the house all weekend but I will check in on you when I get back to see how it went.
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
) I've been avoiding popsicles for the last three weeks, don't want to start anything I don't want to finish!!