My W has been cleaning her own stuff out of our house lately.
I don't want a separation. Not at all. I'm sick of being afraid though. I can also see that there's no way around it in my sitch though. The more I fight it, the more she wants it (remember the see saw from the Dance of Anger book?) I don't want it, but she feels she needs it.
The more I fight it, the more she wants it.
If this is something we need to go through to get to the other side (whatever that other side looks like) let's just get it started.
I don't know your H, but I'd bet the more you fight it the more he wants it.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
I think that given how you described your H's nitpickiness and ungratefulness, many of us are not surprised to find out that he has a OW. I can speak from experience as this is what my W has done to me- criticize and denegrate me verbally and in her head to justify her involvement with her OM. I'm sure it's the same with you H and his OW.
Neither your H nor my W know in reality how good they really have it with us or what they are jeopardizing by fooling around with their affair partners. They are the type of people who don't know what the have until it is gone. I don't know if this is reassuring to hear or not right now Hope, but you are a far better woman than OW- a much better catch for sure.
I'm sure you are still reeling from the discovery of OW. Right now focus on getting plenty of sleep and reaching out to friends and family- along with the rest of us here on the forums- for support.
Hang in there Hope. You are in my prayers. Take care.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
I am sorry you find yourself in this sitch, but you have a small window to turn this around to your favor.
"He claims he will only go back to MC with me once I sign the legal separation AND he will not seeing OW. If I refuse, he'll file straight for D and not look back. I haven't slept a wink. Don't know where to begin."
DO NOT sign the paper. He is essentially blackmailing you. Do you really believe that he's not going to see the OW after you sign the paper? If you do, I have some property on the moon I'd like to sell you. He's huffing and puffing because he's been in the driver's seat this whole time.
Now is your chance to grab that control away from him. Tell him "you know, you are right, I'm not going to share my man with another woman, especially one who goes out with married men. I would like you out of the house in 48hours. I'm going out tonight. See you."
Then dress to kill in front of him and leave.
You have to do this quick before he collects his thoughts, but you are giving him what he wants after all. In fact, it's quite laughable. Act as if you don't have a care in the world and have something more important to do than think of him.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Tonight I'm feeling rage I didn't know I had. He told me he will not stop seeing the OW and it's up to me to prove in therapy that I'm better than her.
He's very hurt from some things I've done in the past. I've blamed myself since he left.
Tonight I'm furious that he blames me to justify his actions. I am furious that he won't admit his part in the disintegration of our marriage. I've done a lot of things wrong, and that is why he left. But I'm tired of that being the end of the story.
And then, yesterday we had the best day together as a family that we've had since he left. He spent every minute with us and it felt so solid. We stayed up talking until four in the morning - he opened up to me in ways that he hasn't since he left. I got the closeness feeling I've been wanting for months, yet I have all these bombs dropped too. I don't understand what's going on. It's so confusing.
I feel completely mind f***ed. It such a roller coaster ride, I don't know what to think or feel.
