I know you like your therapist. Do me a favor though, remember to take what she says with some grains of salt before you go bashing yourself to death. Even though they try not to and ethically shouldn't let their personal lives affect their patients, it happens. We are all human. Reason I chose not to pursue therapy as a career even though I have the education for it. Just treat it like you do H. You have to sift through the projection and garbage to really see the truth.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Wanted to ask, you don't have to answer, is there any intimacy or physical interaction between you and H at all? I don't think that indicates much of anything, just curious, as that has been something I've been really back and forth about with my own H for a while now.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Thanks for your tips re therapist Cat. Went braced for a bashing but actually she knew more about my Sunday meditation than I realised. She is very much into meditating and I`m jsut thrilled about that as I`ve been following the Gary Zucaf stuff as you know and really, all this meditation practice is helping to get past the theory and into my soul. Such a wonderful place!
My therapist could see the change in me instantly. She completely understood my Sunday experience. She descirbed it as being a flower opening and could see that it has been very healing for me.
We spoke for a while but she spent most of the time bringing back into meditation. It was calming and lovely and wonderful.
When I came home to the kids(H hasn`t been with us on Fridays recently-just stays out after work) we put on a dvd, made sandwiches and had a laugh.I just felt wonderful with them and really believe my healing is helping them too.
Next thing H comes home! He even manages to sit for a while with us though he was clearly not comfortable. 45 min later he just got up and left again, drove off without saying anything.
No intimacy at all Cat. He seemed really interested and we made a little progress in that direction about six weeks ago then pfffft! nothing.
Its means a LOT to me and its absence drives me crazy sometimes. I`m definitely burning up the ozone layer with my battery usage, that`s for sure!
Sounds like a very positive few days! That pressure valve being turned down, huh? How good does it feel to be in control of your life again?
Just expect a few more down days to come through, although they should affect you less and less as you move through. It will be odd things to set you off, so don't freak that you are moving backwards, just feel it and move on.
Nothing has fundamentally changed in our R since H requested mediation to agree terms for separation.That was three weeks ago. H said back then he contacted the mediation people and that I had to register with them too. I haven`t done that yet but H hasn`t asked me since either.
However, he doesn`t seem to have changed his mind-maybe is more indecisive but we`re calmer now at least.
well, I`m calmer. And I think that`s helped H to calm, that`s all.
Otherwise we`re just two house mates.
In the past three weeks H has gone from having an extremem interest in the kids for two day-fishing trips, swimming-to completely ignoring them for days on end.
H looked up houses initially fro him to rent but now is back looking up his fav football teams.
He has done a couple of long term jobs in the house-cleaned out the garage f`rinstance, cut the hedge. Otherwise minimal engagement with any chores.
Left for ahis homeplace today. that`s a biggie because his mom had told him not to go down without me but now he`s defying that ban and has taken DS12 with him.
A pro S move I think.
Meanwhile, I`m having heaps of fun. Not caught up with his moods at all. Loving my meditation, going places, fun with the kids, planning more fun for me, being back at work. That type of thing.
Really, I`m caught between letting H go and hoping he`ll come back.
But either way, I KNOW me and the kids will be OK.
You know when I'll know the wind is really shifting (although i probably still won't know which way lol) when I have a name again.
(trying to do that quote thingy-sorry if it doesn`t work!)
Ha! You are so right Cat, re the name thing!H did use my name in an R covo recently and I nearly fell out of my standing because I truly could not remember when he last used it! I swear! It could have been years ago. I just never noticed that slipping away.
Must go root out Mach`s posts. Yes, I`m a big Mach fan-but I`m a big fan of your posts too!
Well thank you. I think you got me from just about the beginning. It is really hard to read on here and "see" people who are where you remember being, really not so long ago and not want to say something to them. At least if you like to talk like I do. LOL.
I am a total Mach fan, cuz he has the balls to say things how I would love to say them but usually don't because I have that whole feminine, empathy thing going on. And he has great insight a ton of the time.
FG, the wind has been blowing back and forth here for a few months now, it's hard to keep track of time, but until it is blowing in one direction all the time, I'm not placing any bets.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Yup, I`m not placing bets on us either Cat. And I do see now that there is a life for me and the kids-a wonderful life for me and the kids-if H walks.
So, here`s a challenge: Name all the positive things that this crisis have brought to you.
Okay, I`ll start!
I`m calm and peaceful I know my own power I own my own cr*p My kids are happier We communicate better(me and the kids anyway!) We`re having lots of fun I`ve tried lots of new things I look a whole lot better I mind me Prayer/meditation has become a big part of my life. So has music and art I`m a hugely improved spouse. Housework is pretty irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
I have plans for MY future I appreciate the small things more I have removed much stress from my life (people and things) I have (am still working on) clearing out the clutter from the house I know how I define a friend I smile I put me first (most of the time)
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
