Do you understand that your fear caused you to manipulate her? She is responding that that behavior, you smothering her, manipulating, controlling - the fear shows thru. A woman doesn't want to see her man afraid. That's why women consistently are attracted to confident men.
Two pronged approach - work on your fear (I call it "snakes on a brain.") IMO the opposite of fear is love. You can't give away something you don't have, so you must learn to love yourself first. - lovingly detach: handle the seperation (yes you will cycle), improve yourself- physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Get your mojo/groove/swagger back.
Learn from the WAWs here. Learn about LLs, intimacy, communication, detaching, how to make yourself happy and what will make you irresistable to your wife.
The choice is all yours in how you handle it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
EB- I don't know how to do "quotes" but let me say you are not alone. I'm here in California (also don't know how to make a "signature") feeling quite similar. The whole "how can they only see the negative" thoughts. And like you said, "How can I only see the good?" You did the right thing by trying to act out of compassion instead of fear. Those two motivations struggle within me daily too. I know when I act out of compassion, it has good results, when I act out of fear, bad. That's all I know at this point.
So you are doing an amaZingly difficult task - letting go, and accepting. It's reaaaaaaalllllllyyyyyyyyyy hard so give yourself credit.
I'm over here struggling to do the same - you've got support.
izve been on your thread so I see what is happening with you. you'll get through it. it SUCKS, but we both will.
my W is still here. some of her things are in boxes. she's been looking at new places to live every day, but she's still here. she is talking about things that need to be done around our house and washing her car in our driveway. she's acting almost normal to me.
she even told on of our neighors that she is moving out. the neighbor said it sounded like W was giving more of a 'i need time away' vibe than "i'm leaving and not ccoming back" message.
who knows?
she wants to run her business from here while she sleeps elsewhere. oddly enough, I am ok with that.
I am tired and cycling up and down a lot too. like a dumba** I broke out old photos (W was not here) last night. bad move on my part.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
I've been reading your thread and hope you're doing better today. Did you get out to do some exercise? I know that it is hard to do things without your S but are you getting out to go to the cinema, dinner with friends or just following up on stiff you like.
Yes, it is a sucky situation. But I always say "This is where I am today but it is not where I will be tomorrow". And Things are hard but they will get better.
But I like what Coach told you about getting your swagger back. That is a great way to put it. Your swagger or whatever attracted her to you is key. And when you see that you are becoming an improved version of yourself ...well, it is priceless. You will know that you have graduated Hard Knocks U with a distinction.
what a strange day. I have spent a lot of it walking.
W is still here. I feel more detached than ever. In addition to the stuff from earlier (talking abt stuff that needs to be done to our house, acting like all is normal, etc) she sat at our backyard firepit with me for a couple of hours tonight. I didn't even ask her to. she drove the conversation, asked how work was, etc. I went along with it, but didn't hang on to it. Just found it strange.
She even had me scratch her back twice tonight and kept giving me loving looks!
Before the firepit I went out to the loccal outdoor mall for a while. It helps me feel that "swagger" to go out and see that there area lot of beautiful women out there. I'd choose W if I have the choice, but it's nice to get checked out be a couple of local hotties every once in a while too.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
