Thought I was over this

[C-Bart]

So is this still a wait and see if she comes further or is she waiting for me to step up and lead? Sorry I am an relationship idiot.

[Energizer Bunny]

I am no expert, but I would guess this is the 'take it slow...have more patience than you ever thought possible' part.

[Dia]

So is this still a wait and see if she comes further or is she waiting for me to step up and lead? Sorry I am an relationship idiot.

First of all, if you are DBing, you are leading. And yes, until the ink is dry on the final D agreement, you are in wait and see, or even better - experiment and see what happens.

The patience part really puts the U in suck - we all feel for you in that department. So come here to vent when you need to but don't let your W see anything other than happy, upbeat, casual C-Bart. You can be a little flirtatious, you can be compassionate, you can be warm. You can even accept an invitation or two from her - but not all of them.

[C-Bart]

Got it. That's what I needed to "hear". Patience is not one of my strong suites.

Thanks Dia and EB.

[C-Bart]

Can anyone point me to some resources for that will help me work on my communication skills? Books, classes, workshops, anything you can think of.

[Dia]

Can you be a little more specific? What kind of communication?

As in " I'd really like to be able to______, but usually I just end up _________."

Communication in general, marital communication, talking to women, flirting - what?

I think Toastmasters might be good, esp. for speaking in public, and any large social event where you have to mingle or network is good practice, too.

Example: Look around in your town for things like gallery shows. Those will typically be in the evening and people go to them, drink a glass of wine and talk about the artwork in small groups of 2-3. Don't worry if you don't know jack about art. All you have to do is say, "I'm really new to this, but I'm interested." People will be helpful. Then you ask questions such as:

What do you see?

What is the artist going for here?

Hmm, does it work for you?

This reminds me of______.

Conversation with women is no different, really. Listen and ask questions, preferably questions that require more than yes or no for answers. Not "Do you like it?", but "Why do you like it?" or "What do you like about it?"

[Sara]

C-Bart,

You have hit on the most important aspect of a marriage -- communication. If that is not working, it seems everything else goes wrong. As you know, communication is a two-way street. You can improve just yourself, but to really make a difference, both people need to improve. That's where Retrouvaille is so effective. Could you get her to go to a weekend workshop with you? It's less than 48 hours and they can teach any couple good, effective communication skills. And the cost is very low. All they ask you to pay for is the cost of housing and food. All the presenters are volunteers. Check the website for dates and locations. There are a lot of weekends coming up this month and next, and then none until January of next year. It's www.helpourmarriage.org. Orich is going next weekend and Thinker is going the weekend after that. I'm sure they will let us know how it goes for them, so check their threads for updates.

[C-Bart]

As in " I'd really like to be able to______, but usually I just end up _________."

Engage people, sitting in the corner.

Communication in general, marital communication, talking to women, flirting - what?

All the above. For now I'd just like to be able to talk to someone at an event without feeling like a complete idiot.

I think Toastmasters might be good, esp. for speaking in public, and any large social event where you have to mingle or network is good practice, too.

Interesting enough public speaking is not a huge problem. Its more the one on one that freaks me out.

Example: Look around in your town for things like gallery shows. Those will typically be in the evening and people go to them, drink a glass of wine and talk about the artwork in small groups of 2-3. Don't worry if you don't know jack about art. All you have to do is say, "I'm really new to this, but I'm interested." People will be helpful. Then you ask questions such as:

Panic attack just reading this.

Conversation with women is no different, really. Listen and ask questions, preferably questions that require more than yes or no for answers. Not "Do you like it?", but "Why do you like it?" or "What do you like about it?"

One step at a time. Most women run from me. lol.

[C-Bart]

I look at retri and I'm interested in going. Just can't seem to find a way to ask the W. I did get her to commit to seeing a C regarding co-parenting. Maybe I can pitch retri as a follow up.

More than just marital communication I want to work on bettering my communication and social skills. This is my biggest burden. I try and avoid group situations because they are EXTREMELY uncomfortable. Its hard to be strong and confident when you looking for the nearest exit.

[givingitmyall]

Can anyone point me to some resources for that will help me work on my communication skills? Books, classes, workshops, anything you can think of.

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.