Has it really been 3 years?

[peaceful_spirit]

Thanks for all your comments.

As some of the old-timers will attest to, my sitch was one of the worst on here. My H's behavior was so erratic and immature, I began to question whether or not he had a soul. Sounds awful, but it's what I thought.

I really think in many of these cases, it takes going through the mess - and hitting bottom, as they often say - to come back to reality. When an affair is involved, it gets SO sticky and out of control. What our spouses are going through is not black and white. They are more messed up and confused than we are. But they may hide it better and mask it from themselves by being caught up in "fun". BUt when the fun fades and they look back to see what they've left behind, that tends to be a real eye-opener.

Looking back, the keys for me were:
- Get my own life -- find ways to be happy without H
- Set boundaries for when he did come home
- Envision my life without H so that I could be less reliant on him coming home
- Being a safe place for H to come when he was messed up and didn't know where to turn.

I am glad I went through this because it changed who I am, for the better. No pain, no gain.