There will be no waiting period, no court appearance, nothing. A simple trip to the attorney's office was all it took. A little different from getting married and the pomp and circumstance that surrounded that. It will be filed next week and then finalized.
I got the bomb on July 10, 2007. H moved out on August 15, 2007. I found out about OW on our 15th wedding anniversary in September, 2007 (he confessed on this day, forgetting what day it was and, when reminded, went on to tell me that she was his true connection). She dumped him two months later and he has since gotten together with a (former) best friend of mine (his (former) best friend's girlfriend). Since this relationship has started, he has started the anger phase which seems to be so prevalent in the MLCer. After two years of being able to co-parent, attend functions together, and be nice and civil, we are now reduced to texts and emails. I simply will no longer allow him to scream obscenities, bully me, etc.
Unfortunately, his relationship with his teenage children is hanging on by a thread. And, while this is difficult for me, I have finally realized that I need to butt out on both sides (defending dad to the girls, and working with H on how to handle the girls). I can no longer try and fix his relationship with the girls. It isn't my relationship to fix.
I am no longer sad about not being with him, because he just isn't who I married. I am sad that my children hurt and I can't protect them from this hurt. I do miss being married, having someone to talk to at night, having someone to be with. But I recognize that this is part of the process.
I found this board at the beginning of August, 2007. Anyone who remembers me will tell you that I was a mess. The title of this thread is similar to the first time I posted. I was so robotic after getting the bomb that I couldn't figure out how to take a proper shower.... The beginning of this is just so hard and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I had so many wonderful people here tell me that it would get better...I never thought it would. I, like so many others, hoped and prayed that I would be one of the ones to make it through this, marriage intact.
I am no longer a mess. And while my marriage isn't intact, I am. And all of you were right. It does get better, if you allow it to get better by concentrating on you and not dwelling on what it going on, what should be, what could be, etc. Recognizing what you have control over and what you don't is a huge step. Happiness can be found again. It took me a long time to realize and accept that DBing was not about saving my marriage - but to "save" me. It took me a long time to really and truly detach and live my own life and not worry, care or wonder about what H was doing. But I finally have. That is why I consider myself a success story.
While I no longer post much, largely because I found myself dwelling when I did, I do still come to the boards occassionally and keep up with some posters. You guys have been great to me and I will always appreciate it.
