Well, I spoke with h last night and he said he wants a divorce, just doesn't want to be married anymore and enjoys living alone. He said he was devastated by the divorce papers and why did I file them? I told him he left, showed no signs of returning and told me in July we were done. I said we could pull those papers at any time....he said nothing. He's not sorry just guilty and ashamed over the affair. Said he doesn't want to answer to anyone....I said that's what marriage is. Having someone who is there for you...again he said nothing. He said he does not feel good about himself and is not happy and hasn't been for a long time, but he did say it's not me..it's him. Some consolation, huh??
I probably talked too much, but it was obvious to me that he wants out. I'm absolutely devastated. I told him I was not given the chance to try and work on things or figure out what we needed to work on because there was no communication from him about what was lacking, what he was missing, what he needed, etc. Again, nothing...I'm so lost. Here it is Labor Day weekend and it's so beautiful here in Colorado and we should be up at our cabin going for a hike in the mountains. I feel so lost and lonely. He said, "why was our marriage so easy?" I said, "because we loved each other and are so compatible" and I hope some day he will realize that.
He said he's not confused, it's clear to him this is what he wants, I asked if he would try a communication workshop and got little response.
Guess that's where I am right now...staring down my 48th birthday on Tuesday with a divorce.
Me 47 H 42 married 20 years no kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
