Sorry I have been away from reading other people's threads for awhile. I was curious while reading your about your experience to see what I could learn about myself.
I may see things that could help but don't want to risk putting more on YOU... I know the feeling, but I want to let you know that I have been getting support from spiritual practices as well and thought we might be able to help each other. On the other hand, you really need to hear is that your H has a problem that interferes with everything and it will take time and patience and practice to learn how to live in a way that most of us expect is normal (and not something that has to be learned and worked at). It is always up to you b/c you always get to decide whether or not you will stay with him or not - and that is his fear daily. He doesn't have the same choices as you right now... he is in a dependent state of mind with much less choices and he can't do what you do nor see what you see etc.
I just want to be supportive of YOU. His problem is not a reflection of how he feels about you and in fact if he could be in your shoes and observe himself he would be horrified - but he can't. He is struggling to hold himself together which is the stress reaction that you hear in his verbal interactions. Imagine you both speak different languages and come from different cultures and you don't know the other - now try living together and communicating daily with all your current responsibilties and what do you expect would happen?
Take care, have a restful weekend. Will talk later if you want to.
