I am starting to believe that the sooner one does move on and take care of him/her self, the sooner a real resolution is possible.
6 years ago my H left, had a fling and came back 5 weeks later. Of course, I was elated. But, the bug up his butt to leave and lead this other life was never really exorcised and as much as I sometimes wish he'd snap out of it and be my white knight, more realistically, I realize that he has to live this out, whatever it is and have a genuine catharsis if there is any hope.
So, my point is, you need to take care of yourself and your immediate needs first. Time and distance will not stop a reconciliation if it is meant to be (I know that sounds trite but I do believe it).
I'm sorry it is so hard. Believe me, I've been turned inside out and watching my kids suffer on top of it. But, focusing on myself and the life I want to lead has done wonders. You are not a victim. Life is short, what can you do to start feeling that you are truly living and not just a bit player in his warped story.
One of the most helpful things I've read here is the following quote-
“This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”
