What to do when H doesn't contact?

[Goodfight]

Wifey, thank you so much for telling me what KWIM means. I feel really stupid right now. LOL

But thanks a lot for the book recommendations, I will purchase and read. Also thanks for the encouragement and your words of wisdom.

You have helped me greatly today. I have to get it into my head NOT to touch that hot stove, and you are right about there is nothing I can do and I need to stop thinking all of the time about getting our family back together and work on myself.

I love my children so much and hate the hurt that they have inside! My letter basically said that I forgive him and I hope that he can find it in his heart to forgive me when we would argue and say nasty things to each other. And that the door is open if and when he would want to return. I told him that too many people got involved in our situation. His family, friends and that I forgive him for telling lies and getting these people involved and that I didn't get anyone involved. Just stayed to myself. I talk to my best friend about everything but that is it. I also told him I'm obeying our vows even though it is rough because of being so lonely. And that me and the kids miss and love him.

Yesterday, I wrote a short note asking him to please start paying half of the loans that are in both of our names because I'm not making it, and that even though he left the bills are still the same and the child support isn't even touching the bills.

Don't know if I should have done that, but I don't have family to help me at all.

Wifey, I can't thank you enough for checking in on me. It is greatly appreciated.

[The Wifey]

Lost41,

When you find yourself obsessing about him, journal. You can tell him anything in your journal. Get it all out on paper. Don't share it with him, just get it out. It really will help.

[june72]

HI Lost,
Just read through all of your posts on this thread and some things stuck out at me:
-hubby left with no contact- will not give you phone number for contact
-refuses to treat depression
-refusing to pay bills even though he earns double and you are taking extra work on your SECOND job
-he filed divorce and even his own lawyer dropped him
-dropped visitation with your daughter
-daughter admitted to counselor that he was drinking and driving with her in the car!
-aware that daughter wants him to contact her and does not
-has "rage anger" depression and completely flipped out at the hearing and at the hospital
-writes a really parent alienating letter to your daughter, almost mean spirited, professing LIES everywhere
-promises to call your daughter in the letter and I am guessing did not
-No contact at all, ever, with his step son (knowing that it hurts him)
-Leaves the hospital the night of son's suicide attempt!

I have to say as a parent- IMO, truthfully, I would not want this man in your children's life. Maybe I am completely wrong- but why do you still want this man? I am baffled. He is a huge emotional drain on the emotional health of your children. Don't you think your hubby's actions as beyond unacceptable.

I think DBing someone with mental illness is totally different. The marraige CAN NOT be repaired unless the mental illness is addressed. If he is unwilling to do this that you have no choice but to "drop the rope" and live on.

If he came back tomorrow- would you honestly want him this way? With is rage, anger depression? Why would this be acceptable to you?

Perhaps my advice is horrible- I am not proclaiming to be an expert. But I think it best to not pursue this man and focus all and I mean ALL your energy on your hurting children and yourself. Your children need you. I think if you can file for separation to help with the money situation. Then by all mean do so. For the sake of your children.

This man is in a selfish state. Look at how he is now and react accordingly. You do not want this man the way he is not. I repeat!! You do not want this man the way he is now. Maybe if he helps himself. But as people have said - he has to do it. Who knows if he ever will.

Look at your first husband. He chose to live his life in the gutter. There is nothing as a wife that you could have done to stop that. It's the same here. Let go, live on, if he make huge serious changes then... perhaps.

IMHO

[june72]

This post is more for people reading the board rather than Lost

"Trust in God, but tie your house"


Meaning of course- God is there for you- but you still must take action.

[june72]

This post is more for people reading the board rather than Lost

"Trust in God, but tie your house"


Meaning of course- God is there for you- but you still must take action.

Typo "Trust in God, but tie your horse."

[june72]

Just bumping b/c I am concerned for the kids.

[june72]

Hi Lost,
How are you and the children? Hope things are ok

[RedSoxFan]

Thanks Or and Kevin! Kevin I need all the prayers I can get! I just know how God Hates Divorce and I had to do it 14yrs. ago.

I believe in our vows and totally want my M restored but I'm afraid because of already being divorced once God doesn't want restoration for me this time.

I'm so confused!

God loves you, your children and your husband Lost! Things happen for reasons that we don't always understand. One thing is for sure, God does not want you or your children in an unsafe or unhappy environment. Right now you are the one who's called on to be strong. You must take care of yourself first, then your children. H must take responsibility for himself. That's what needs to happen to lay the ground work for saving the marriage.

Be strong. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

[Goodfight]

Thanks June and Red. No I don't want the H that he is now or the father he is now. He was the total opposite before all the this hit. That is the man I want back in our family.

I keep praying and praying that God touches him and he seeks help for himself and then I would take him back. Our D's counselor and my S's counselor keeps telling them that he is ill right now and all they can do is wait for him to get better. And that's what I hoping and praying for, for the children's sake more than mine.

I just can't help but think about our vows, through sickness and health and he is sick right now so that's why I hope and pray that he gets better and then returns. Should I leave this site then? Didn't know that it wasn't for someone that was ill when separated. So I think I messed up by coming on here I guess. And wait to see if he gets better and then come back?

Advice please.

[RedSoxFan]

I just can't help but think about our vows, through sickness and health and he is sick right now so that's why I hope and pray that he gets better and then returns. Should I leave this site then? Didn't know that it wasn't for someone that was ill when separated. So I think I messed up by coming on here I guess. And wait to see if he gets better and then come back?

No, you are in a good place. This site is exactly where you need to be. Ten months ago I was in a MLC (mid-life crisis) and left my family. I was not myself at that time, no one could have talked sense to me. I was in a fog. Maybe you could say I was ill. Today I am fighting to save my marriage and my family. Take a look at other situations and stories on this site. Read and learn. Most importantly stay strong and don't lose hope.