What to do when H doesn't contact?

[june72]

HI Lost,
Just read through all of your posts on this thread and some things stuck out at me:
-hubby left with no contact- will not give you phone number for contact
-refuses to treat depression
-refusing to pay bills even though he earns double and you are taking extra work on your SECOND job
-he filed divorce and even his own lawyer dropped him
-dropped visitation with your daughter
-daughter admitted to counselor that he was drinking and driving with her in the car!
-aware that daughter wants him to contact her and does not
-has "rage anger" depression and completely flipped out at the hearing and at the hospital
-writes a really parent alienating letter to your daughter, almost mean spirited, professing LIES everywhere
-promises to call your daughter in the letter and I am guessing did not
-No contact at all, ever, with his step son (knowing that it hurts him)
-Leaves the hospital the night of son's suicide attempt!

I have to say as a parent- IMO, truthfully, I would not want this man in your children's life. Maybe I am completely wrong- but why do you still want this man? I am baffled. He is a huge emotional drain on the emotional health of your children. Don't you think your hubby's actions as beyond unacceptable.

I think DBing someone with mental illness is totally different. The marraige CAN NOT be repaired unless the mental illness is addressed. If he is unwilling to do this that you have no choice but to "drop the rope" and live on.

If he came back tomorrow- would you honestly want him this way? With is rage, anger depression? Why would this be acceptable to you?

Perhaps my advice is horrible- I am not proclaiming to be an expert. But I think it best to not pursue this man and focus all and I mean ALL your energy on your hurting children and yourself. Your children need you. I think if you can file for separation to help with the money situation. Then by all mean do so. For the sake of your children.

This man is in a selfish state. Look at how he is now and react accordingly. You do not want this man the way he is not. I repeat!! You do not want this man the way he is now. Maybe if he helps himself. But as people have said - he has to do it. Who knows if he ever will.

Look at your first husband. He chose to live his life in the gutter. There is nothing as a wife that you could have done to stop that. It's the same here. Let go, live on, if he make huge serious changes then... perhaps.

IMHO