#1....Get home MUCH later. Even if you have to drive around endlessly for a couple of hours. Be home later than he is.
When you DO come in late.... be on your cell phone.. talking.. loud enough for him to hear, but acting like you are whispering too loud, but not loud enough for him to hear exactly who you are talking to or if it is a woman or a man....... a little belly laugh for effect now and then as you open the fridge.. walking with phone in hand talking, laughing, giggling....
I used both of these tactics. Sometimes I'd just drive to the beach and watch the moonlight on the ocean, or take a book and go for coffee or a glass of wine, you get the idea. I found all sorts of free events and Meetup groups to attend...and I always stayed out later than H did.
The phone thing...yep, did it. I had a friend in collusion with me that I met during this time...he was really funny and thought H was a doofus (and thought I should just dump his butt), and he was always up to chat. When it was too late or he wasn't available, I pretended to be on the phone. I'd come in to the house a little too loud (H was sleeping in the downstairs bedroom at the time), having a conversation, giggling...I know he heard it.
I also used IM if I happened to be home and H was there too. My friends would post the most outrageous things to get me to crack up, and so I was just focused on that and not on H...and he noticed how much fun I was having and how I wasn't paying any attention to him.
My H isn't one to ask outright, but I saw the wheels turning in his head. It was honestly when I'd developed a crush on someone I'd met and was reevaluating how long I was going to stick with a H who was emailing/calling OW on our anniversary that H suddenly recommitted. I was feeling the buzz of attraction...and I'd come to the conclusion that with or without H, I'd be just fine and dandy and happy. I had completely detached...and I think H sensed that. Scared him a little bit.
Since your friends are going to be at the show, why not have them take some pictures of you? You could conveniently leave them out or up on your computer when H is around. Heck, I'd choose one I really liked, frame it, and put it in your personal space to remind myself how lovely I really am.
Gucci is right: men like the chase. I still make my H chase me a bit because that's what keeps it interesting. We just returned from a mystery trip he'd planned for us where he just gave me a packing list and the dates we'd be gone...didn't find out until we'd arrived where we were going. That's him trying to please and impress me.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Will put all that into action. D doesn't talk to H much anyway only if she no choice, so she won't have a problem giving very minimal information.
The phone call will be the hardest bit for me, but I'll do it and I'll do it very well, already thinking about it.
I feel like I have to learn all over again how to get someone to chase me. When I look back over the years, I had become predictable not that that is any excuse for H's actions, but for me apart from raising the kids never really achieved much for myself.
Gucci you have given me a wake up call, one I really needed and I am so glad I agreed to doing this fashion parade must have been your get your head out of the sand talk yesterday.
I am actually rather excited about the whole scenario for next Tuesday.
Never done a fake phone call before, but I know I can do it, might just have to rehearse it a bit in my head first so I do it for maximum effect.
H will definitely be in bed when I get home, if I go out and am not home, he will go to bed early, will have to be a bit loud when I come in as he sleeps heavy.
I am glad the opportunity of the parade presented itself and I am actually glad I took up the offer.
Glad to hear all the things Gucci suggested worked for you, I think sometimes you need to a man's perspective it just gives you that other side to things that you otherwise wouldn't know.
The movie I took myself to see the other week The Ugly Truth was pretty much all about that, a male coaching his female friend in the art of getting her man, Gucci's advice is exactly what is in this movie, mysterious, not being available all the time, getting them to chase.
As I sit here this morning with my puppy by my side, looking out at the water, I feel a bit more positive after yesterday being a bit down (weather didn't help yesterday though, miserable and wet).
Maybe now the real threat of losing my H to some you know what (insert your own word there), has jolted me a bit, before it was just losing him because he was tired of the marriage.
I have an extremely busy today, so will not be home when H gets home today and I have decided that when he rings which he will today, I can guarantee that, I will not answer
Still plan on doing my balcony garden but that might not happen until Sunday now as today's plans got changed and so will spend my Sunday on the balcony reading and enjoying my lovely new home.
Lots of wonderful advice here for you Oz. I'm sure there's a lot for you to consider and digest. It sounds like you have some really positive activities to look forward to. It's all about you now and developing all the skills and activities you have always wanted to do but never got around to. This is a time for developing you. It's taken me a long time to realise this and now I have I'm actually feeling quite excited.
Thanks Cas, I think that when you spend your life doing for others it is a hard concept to get your head around doing just for yourself that's why it takes so long to actually get it I think.
And yes there is a lot to digest, that's why I will take the weekend to go over everything a few times re-reading.
I have read lots of your posts recently and I say thanks for your contributions. You really help lots of people here...the ones that you actually post to, their posters and all the lurkers. It's all well considered and consistent advice.
I second that Cas, honest straight to the point posts that tell it like it is. I definitely needed it, otherwise I would still be going along in lala land.
Morning Oz, Oh my, what a piece of excitement for you, as I wake up this morning! You have also had some great advice from Gucci again ... I wish he would come and live my life for a few weeks - I reckon H would be begging to come back!
The bit that struck me was that you said the modelling was quite informal and moving around tables etc ... that ought to help with your confidence, moreso than walking down a 'runway' - now that would be scary!!
Get some photo's taken on the night - to leave a few on the table 'accidentally' would be such an 'oversight' wouldn't it?!!!!!
You surprised me this week in how well you took Gucci's frank words and I reckon underneath it all, you knew that something was amiss ... you have bounced back so well and you are facing up to your situation with dignity and grace. The fact that you are not only GAL now but you are positively DEMANDING it, shows me how well you are doing!
Keep going Oz - the rest will fall in to place ... it has to really. Well done you - great job! ((weekend hugs))
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Maybe now the real threat of losing my H to some you know what (insert your own word there),
How about scab? Dried up, gross and a substitute for the real thing.
It's the nicest word I could think of. *smile*
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
