I agree w/your feelings of "love" toward your stbx. I am a believer in the idea that I will always "love" my X, but not be "in love" w/her. I want her to be happy and successful in her life moving forward b/c I know that is what is best for the overall happiness of our D.
Do I want her back? Not a chance. They have a better chance of getting ice water served to them in Hell than I do of reuniting w/my X. No, but I do want her to find happiness w/herself so she can be a solid, loving parent for my D.
Hearing you can't seem to "hate" your stbx is understandable.
On the subject of stbx wanting you to act like a lady even though he treats you like garbage is interesting. My reaction to that is for you to remember you decide how you wish to intereact w/stbx. Also, if you take the "high road" id doesn't mean you've lowered your standards as they come to stbx at all.
Instead, this means you've chosen to be the mature adult in the situation and you've looked at how you'd like to be treated if you were in the other's shoes. Does he deserve to be treated like crap? Sure, but do you get any better by going down that road?
When I was going through the heart of my D, my friends and family would constantly ask me why I wasn't more outwardly angry at X. My response was simple: I'd ask them "How does being angry at her make me a better person? How does being angry w/her help me to learn anything positive from this situation I've been thrust into?"
The answer, at least to me, was it doesn't and it can't.
