That is there are lots of hand wringing here about the W becoming a WAW because the husband was not man enough (I say yes in a lot of cases)? The puzzle part goes something like this; did this marriage break down because WAW was not women enough?
Simplistic but true- "Takes two to tango"...puzzle solved.
Well, there is a fine line, isn't there? Cuz how long will any secure person (male or female) pursue someone who is walking away? Timing is everything.
That does not apply here, the WAW in the case is not a “secure person”, she is better described as being “off her rocker”. Or are you just asking in general?
Cuz how long will any secure person (male or female) pursue someone who is walking away? Timing is everything.
Not pursuing doesn't mean you are making yourself unavailable to WAS does it? Is it possible to stand pat without pursuing or walking away? Wouldn't the most secure of us be capable of standing pat for the longest time?
Well, there is a fine line, isn't there? Cuz how long will any secure person (male or female) pursue someone who is walking away? Timing is everything.
That does not apply here, the WAW in the case is not a “secure person”, she is better described as being “off her rocker”. Or are you just asking in general?
In general. I think getting the WASs attention is one thing, repairing and building a sustainable relationship is another...it is just a tricky thing.
Cuz how long will any secure person (male or female) pursue someone who is walking away? Timing is everything.
Not pursuing doesn't mean you are making yourself unavailable to WAS does it? Is it possible to stand pat without pursuing or walking away? Wouldn't the most secure of us be capable of standing pat for the longest time?
Depends. Not pursuing usually means GAL which tends to lead to not being available.
Cuz how long will any secure person (male or female) pursue someone who is walking away? Timing is everything.
Not pursuing doesn't mean you are making yourself unavailable to WAS does it? Is it possible to stand pat without pursuing or walking away? Wouldn't the most secure of us be capable of standing pat for the longest time?
That is not the right question. AFWAW is not simply “not pursing”, he turned the tables so that WAW is pursing. The faster AFWAW moves the faster his WAW will pursue (and I see a frantic chase coming). Read back on his actions and how his WAW responded. Look at JoshuaRoberts thread, it was text book.
This is so obvious, take a look around, what is the LBS immediate reaction to their WAS; frantic and desperate pursuit.
Well, there is a fine line, isn't there? Cuz how long will any secure person (male or female) pursue someone who is walking away? Timing is everything.
That does not apply here, the WAW in the case is not a “secure person”, she is better described as being “off her rocker”. Or are you just asking in general?
In general. I think getting the WASs attention is one thing, repairing and building a sustainable relationship is another...it is just a tricky thing.
Yes, two different things, not going to get to the repairing and building, until you attract the WAS back though.
I maybe putting the cart before the horse here, but probably not. There is something AFWAW need to puzzle on at some point. SP brought this point up a few months ago, one of those things he puzzled until his puzzler broke, or something like that. That is there are lots of hand wringing here about the W becoming a WAW because the husband was not man enough (I say yes in a lot of cases)? The puzzle part goes something like this; did this marriage break down because WAW was not women enough?
AFWAW you need to ask yourself that. While I feel moral obligation to hold up marriage, your WAW dealt you a get out of jail free card, that being her infidelity, no one on heaven or earth can judge you for putting your WAW aside.
At this point, I am NOT interested in having my wife back. You are correct, she cheated on me. It took me a while to get over her but I have finally seen the light. It is simply amazing how she is acting after I let go. If I took her back now, how could I ever trust her again? I waited for 6 months. I forgave her initially and then she repeated her behavior. WTF is that?
I am trying to look at the positives here. I am young. I have my daughter. On top of that, since I've changed my attitude I've been having a great time. I've even met a beautiful 45 year old woman that is interested in me! No relationship yet--I am still married of course. That is just one instance of a woman being interested in me. At the graduation dinner I went to last night I had several women flirting with me. Why did it take this long to get this point is the real question. Probably because I couldn't or wouldn't let go. Of course there was a long history and I have a child with her. I've had a lot of time to think--this woman cheated on me with 4 different men--ugh! When I see her, I cannot help but think of that. NOT attractive at all. All this while I was deployed to Iraq providing for my family. Do I deserve that? HELL NO!!!!
I am not interested in a woman who chooses to be with other men after 15 years of marriage. I could see if she had a one night stand with someone, came clean and was remorseful. She had a relationship with a married man, discarded her family and has NO remorse(or at least has not shown any that I can see).
Life is way too short to put up with someone like that! I cannot wait to find someone that wants to be with me because they are excited to be with me not someone who feels obligated to be with me because we have a child together. No thanks..
Last edited by AFWAW; 09/04/0907:19 PM.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
You have it out of context.. It is a guy thing between guys...
Having said that, and obviously not with these particular phrases, but don't you also promote the same attitude for women?
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
