It's your fault you are feeling this way. The great news is that since it's your fault you can fix it RIGHT NOW.
If your expectations are all rooted in his reactions you are going to be hurt and stressed and giving yourself nightmares. If youre expectations are rooted in you, that's great because you control you.
If you want your H to touch you again, do NOT put a time frame in which this is supposed to happen because you have no control over that. Be confident that it will. Why can't you touch him? Do you? And if you do, how? And what's his reaction?
You think he was joking? Nope. He was dead serious. Stop telling him what to do. Whether or not that's really happening is completely irrelevant and don't even argue about it. His perception is that you're bossing him around. If you REALLY do NOT understand where he's coming from, ask him sincerely and kindly "You know, you said something the other night about me telling you what to do. I'm so sorry, but I'm oblivious and can't see what you are referring too and I want to....can you give me an example? I want to be respectful of your feelings."
And CB, whatever he tells you....believe him, ok? Don't be mad, don't be sad, take the information and work with it.
When my H FINALLY opened up and started talking about his issues with the M, I was shocked and I mean appalled at some of the things he told me about me. I wanted to argue, but realized, truly, he wasn't lying. He wasn't trying to hurt me or needle me or put me in my place. He really saw things that way, it really happened for him the way he was describing. It sucked to hear, but I'm working with it and I think I've been able to make some real strides. You can too.
You are looking at one tree right now, and every now and then glancing at the forest. Take some steps back so you have better vision. Concentrate on those positive improvements you see.
