Way back in late '07 I am pretty sure they made a deal that they would both leave their spouses. Actually I am sure it is something they prob talked about in summer '07 when their PA was just going full swing. But then the rubber hit the road in November '07 after I caught them together.
Her H filed IMMEDIATELY. Even took her son away for several days before he found out he legally couldn't do that and had to share...At that point her H was out of the picture and I know from the texts I intercepted that in Dec '07 Dan was telling her he would end it with me after the holidays with the kids...
Hence his plan to get his own apt. in February. It was under the guise of 'needing space while we figure out if we can work things out', but I am sure it was part of the master plan to be with her.
Then the sh!t hit the fan at work, although I never know how much to believe, maybe he was running from her desire for commitment? At any rate he moved to our hometown 2 1/2 hrs from KC and never got the apartment.
I know from the texts of hers I read in '07 that she pushes the pity button well (example: 'if you are looking for me I am out on the curb where everyone has kicked me'). So I am sure she doesn't miss an opportunity to remind him of their 'deal' and how she kept up her part and her life is a mess now, etc etc. I don't feel any pity b/c she chose what she chose. But he does.
I don't know what will happen next. If I don't see a real action plan coming from him I am signing the papers Tuesday after our extended holiday weekend.
Last night I told him that he told me back in Feb "I don't know how to do this without you, I am trying to figure out how to make us better" and here we were 7 months later and nothing was better. He acknowledged that. I said I refused to go another 7 weeks let alone 7 months. That he had a matter of days not weeks to show some true effort or I am done.
And I know he needs individual help. If we go to one of the couple's retreat things, the ones in consideration are all one-on-one, meaning 3 days or so of just one couple with a team of counselors, several hours a day. The group thing like retro doesn't work well for us b/c he doesn't want to open up in front of others. Anyway my point is I would think those counselors could point out to him that he needs IC. If he decides not to pursue it, then I know he isn't really invested in growth and change...
