I am sure you have heard the term "enabler" before. Over the time I cruised these boards, a vast majority have an enabler somewhere. Usually the new divorced friend, sometimes the parents, or sometimes even the LBS. Even outside the context of divorce, enablers are viewed very negatively in almost all situations. Whether it is helping some one through a bad time (because they don't learn to do it themselves) or causing the bad times (You need to lose your spouse so I have a wingperson). The reality with most enablers is that the situation cannot be fixed until either the enabler is removed from the situation or the enabler ends the enabling actions. Some times it is easy such as giving a child too much help with math homework and learning to stop so they can struggle themselves. Other times it is hard such as working overtime week after week for an employer because the work wasn't done on time. In your situation, the parents represent almost vindictive enablers...I.E. The FIL gave the bishop an earful. That conversation should have ended when your wife said she didn't want to talk, instead Dad had to get involved. Listen to Lola...she is hitting it right on the nose. Until your wife ends the involvement of her parents in your relationship, there is no relationship. Focus on you and getting contact with your kids....let her drive the divorce if she wants, but be prepared for it.
