Well, the looonnng weekend is here. I have no plans, but H does. He left yesterday on the Harly to visit his family who live in another state about ten hours away. I don't know if he is alone. I was really hoping he was alone last time, and, well, you know the rest of the story. So, I'm trying to think positive. I did overhear him tell his mom on the phone a few weeks ago that he was coming alone. I don't know if things changed since then or not.
Yesterday when I was leaving for work, he followed me out to my car. He said he was going to be gone for a few days, and he would see me when he got back. I was so surprised by this connection ( little, but big for us ) that all I could say was "Oh, OK!". After I left, I decided to text him after I got to work. I told him to ride SAFE, and to have a nice visit with his family. Several hours later, he texted me a "Thanks" back.
Now for the part I'm having a great deal of turmoil over. When I got home from work, I found an envelope on my pillow, with my name on the outside in my H handwriting. It is a letter, not a card. I immediately went into panic mode. The strength that I have been gaining completely went out the window. I put it into my Bible. I am so afraid to open it. I know how he works. When he told me he was filing for D, it was right before I went back to a new school year ( I am a teacher ). When he told me he filed, it was right before Christmas. My attorney told me he contacted her with questions about D right before my birthday. And now, during this long weekend, he leaves this letter. As of this morning I still haven't opened it. I know, I know, I'm delaying the inevitible. If it's a nightmare of a letter, do I want to ruin my weekend? Is not opening it, and agonizing over it, analyzing it, ruining my weekend? Does he want to push the D through immediately, since its been in a lull for so long? Is he telling me he is moving out when he gets back? Is he telling me he took skank to meet his family? " I, YI, YI!"
Then on the other hand... Could it be something wonderful that I would be Blessed to read immediately? It would make for a wonderful weekend!
Then the analyzing of where he left it. If it was bad news, would he leave it on my pillow? Wouldn't bad news be left on the counter, table, or somewhere neutral?
I even thought about not opening it at all, by making it look like it fell behind my bed and I never saw it. My dog gets off and on my bed all the time.
On a side note... The girl who does my hair, told me she saw H at his work function last weekend. She said there was a strange personna about him. Couldn't really put it in words. She said almost like an emptyness. She hadn't seen him in a while, and said even his physical appearance was surprising to her. She also said he was alone.
This isn't my idea of an exciting weekend! lol The JOY of the LORD continues to be my strength! I pray he gives me the answer soon as to when to open the letter, or what to do with it.