I am resolving to step up now. It took a while, but I am ready to end this self-imposed misery. You are right, I have shied away from the plate. I am adopting the good soldier attitude. We are already all but divorced, so what difference does it make if I do make my feelings and wants known to her. I want to know what her plan is even if it is to leave. I want to confront issues with her, not just let them go. This time I know I can handle it because the alternative of just going along in limbo isn't cutting it anymore, I have hit my breaking point. This involves talking. I am not going to push anything before the Retro weekend, but I intend to open up completely then. If there is movement in a positive direction, I will continue to keep communication lines open, not let them close again in fear. If there is no movement, then I will adopt a harder stance that would include telling her to do something or I will have to. I want the M to work. I want to keep the family intact. But if it is at the cost of my sanity, then it isn't going to do me, her, or my kids any good.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Standing up to my W is kind of what got me here. So in my case, more of that would be more of the same. More of that hasn't worked.
What you call standing up to your wife does not mean taking a stand for your wife or loving her the way she needs.
How would your wife characterise your behavior that you call "standing up to my wife" ? One of the beautiful things about detaching is you can see the interactions like a third party. Helps you see things from a new perspective, awareness and helps develop compassion for your beloved's POV. Detaching allows you to start thinking.
I totally agree with having discernment for you particular sitch. I am challenging you to have a open mind. Let go of dysfunctional beliefs and do the work.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
As you know, I finally decided enough was enough. I determined that if I stayed in "prevent defense" I was likely going to lose anyway. If I go agressive, I still may lose, but I will get movement from the current situation. Since I have determined the current situation is NOT acceptable any more, the WORST I will get out of this is what I was going to get anyway.
I came to this conclusion out of the blue after hearing and reading the advice on mine and so many other threads, but delaying doing anything out of fear. It is scary as hell, since there's no way to know the outcome, but it will get my R off of the fence, which is where I didn't want it anymore.
We're soldiers and we're already dead, so the risks aren't increased by charging the machine gun nest (you may die in the effort, but you were going to die eventually anyway just cowering in your foxhole). The difference is you may be able to take out the machine gun by charging it, rather than letting it pick you off in your hole.
That's how I've started to think. The rest is in God's hands. And I have to think He is proud of me for standing up and fighting for what He wants.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
Pigskin, that is exactly what I am striving for, and I think I am pretty much there. I am not counting on the Retro weekend to fix the M. But with that attitude, afterwards I am going to charge the machine gun nest.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
The FACTS point out that by the new position you have taken acutally INCREASES by far the odds you will SAVE your relationship...
The way these guys are doing it doesn't work It won't work. They are both saying the same things, how much alike things are and not seeing that what they are doing is the cause and effect of what is happening. These are small slow deaths. Better to have a large blowout than a small leak.
Pigskin, that is exactly what I am striving for, and I think I am pretty much there. I am not counting on the Retro weekend to fix the M. But with that attitude, afterwards I am going to charge the machine gun nest.
Hopefully by the time you get back from Retro I'll be able to report that my machine gun threat has been eliminated, to help you feel more confident in charging yours...
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
The FACTS point out that by the new position you have taken acutally INCREASES by far the odds you will SAVE your relationship...
The way these guys are doing it doesn't work It won't work. They are both saying the same things, how much alike things are and not seeing that what they are doing is the cause and effect of what is happening. These are small slow deaths. Better to have a large blowout than a small leak.
Good for you.. YOU are on the right track..
Thanks. I am more than willing to lead by example now. I'm out of my hole. I really hope that my situation will be a positive influence on my brothers in arms...
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
They are both saying the same things, how much alike things are and not seeing that what they are doing is the cause and effect of what is happening.
insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
