Well, Gucci, whereever you are, you were right. I had about 10 calls from the wife today all of which I ignored. Very strange how she is all the sudden wanting to talk. I hope this doesn't escalate into something worse.
If it looks like she's going into bunny boiler mode, you might have to answer her call and stay on the phone with her for like two hours and tell her you had always kept hoping she would come back and work on the relationship. That should drive her off.
"I don't know how I feel" "This will just never work" "I am kinda (use the word kinda)seeing somebody" (if she asks about the "somebody") "we are just good friends" "ILYBNILWY" (that one always gets them) "lets just be friends" "I really don't want to talk about it anymore" "I have decided" "You were right I needed to date others and so do you" "I don't want a woman who has been with someone else and can't be faithful, I don't know what I must have been thinking to tolerate that nonsense for so long"
Go over these things in your mind. She may very well start chasing you and will be saying the same things you were saying to her for so long. Now you say the things she was saying to you.
AND... social interaction, be happy, act and be busy, be confident...
Remember that the jealousy factor is very important. You now admit there is someone you are interested in, but you are trying to "hide" and duck and doge the details. Keep her curious over who this person is. Let her mind wander. Jealousy is a very powerful emotion and she has needed this for a long time.
DO NOT ASK HER TO COME HOME.. ( I have to keep reminding you on that one)
I'm actually anticipating this but I have things to do and sometimes may not be home because I'm out socializing. The beautiful thing is I don't have to answer to her anymore or coordinate with her about what I want to do.
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"I don't know how I feel" "This will just never work" "I am kinda (use the word kinda)seeing somebody" (if she asks about the "somebody") "we are just good friends" "ILYBNILWY" (that one always gets them) "lets just be friends" "I really don't want to talk about it anymore" "I have decided" "You were right I needed to date others and so do you" "I don't want a woman who has been with someone else and can't be faithful, I don't know what I must have been thinking to tolerate that nonsense for so long"
These are great! It's like the tables have turned! I have never felt so much in control and so much out of control at the same time.
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AND... social interaction, be happy, act and be busy, be confident...
Yes sir! Went to a optional military function last night--graduation dinner for one of my guys that works for me--lots of single women everywhere. I had a fantastic time--laughed, laughed and laughed some more. I met some very nice women.
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DO NOT ASK HER TO COME HOME.. ( I have to keep reminding you on that one)
You can keep reminding me of this but I actually bought boxes a few days ago to pack up the rest of her stuff. I intend to put it all out in the storage shed and then shoot her an email of when she can pick it up. She won't even have to come in the house and I don't have to be home for her to pick it up!
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Hey. Maybe she will find this site and ask us how to win you back and then we can help her divorce bust you.
HAHAHAHA, LMAO!!!!! I haven't laughed this hard this early in the morning for a very long time. Thanks Gucci!!!!
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Utilized what Gucci is peddling (and more) back when I dated, that was quite awhile ago (married 16 years). Never been a NG, so kinda fell into it naturally and through trial and error.
One point I see applying in your situation, certain types of women (small minority) can turn into scary stalkers if you go down the path Gucci has laid out for you. That is following you around in their car while they are intoxicated, calling at all hours, getting hysterical, making huge scenes in public (even so far as to wield firearms and threaten suicide), claiming to be pregnant with your child (don’t think that would work in you sitch), even going so far as to complain to their OM that you treated her so bad he will be inclined to call you and chew you out.
Based on my past experience, I see many warning signs that your WAW could potentially go that direction. It is not at all funny, and you will find yourself very put off by her behavior, that is if she does go off her rocker.
Ok.. We have her from having gone from having OM, to telling AFWAW she didn't know what she wanted...
and we have leaped to she is almost stalking him and he needs to hire security guards and the OM beating AFWAW up???
Quite a leap....
Let's take first things first... She has called him a number of times and we don't even know for sure what is up with her... Let's not go off the deep end. We CAN handle her. Let it play out.
I am not interested in spending my life with someone who is not interested in me.
That mindset is what will set you free. That is the mindset of someone who is healthy......
When you have the right mindset you will be saying and joking and even slightly believing the following type of things...
Women are a dime a dozen... (I always have a dime in my pocket)
Last woman who broke it off with me it took me almost 2 hours to get over her.........
And the classic..... "my wife ran off with my best friend..... Gee I sure miss him"
Get the right mindset and stay in the right mindset...
Glad to see you starting to say the things that show me you are finally getting with the program....
Hey Gucci, most of the time on right on board with you. But WTF with the above? If you get your heart broken by one woman then we are all disposable?
I wouldn't have that same "attitude" about a guy.
Or is this only an act as if that I'm reading out of context?
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
First off I don’t post here much, have never experience marriage troubles as deep as the posters here. However, that is why I am here, kind of a PM measure for my own marriage. So I feel a bit out of place.
Sure, quite a leap, however you exaggerated it a bit, I did not elude to anyone being on the receiving end of a beat down. What I posted was no exaggeration, have experienced all I described, and had it happen to me a couple of times (GF’s).
Based on this exaggeration I get the idea you are being a bit defensive? I am in no means critical of your advice (well, the dating while married thing), was simply pointing out to AFWAW that I see some warning signs based on my own personal experience. Perhaps I just had a flash back and am simply projecting. Hope so for AFWAW’s sake.
I have read NMMNG and was quite shocked by this mentality, and this NG dysfunction is rampant with the husbands on this board. Fortunately, I don’t think that crap is contagious. Anyhow there are NG’s here that need some serious help, and the advice you provide is truly a public service. My hats off to you.
AFWAW, I am in no means attempting to divert you off the path Gucci is helping you with, simply pointing out that this COULD get really weird, and fast. Hell, your sitch as been really weird for quite a while.
Hey Gucci, most of the time on right on board with you. But WTF with the above? If you get your heart broken by one woman then we are all disposable?
I wouldn't have that same "attitude" about a guy.
Or is this only an act as if that I'm reading out of context?
Don’t want to put words in gucci’s mouth. Don’t see anything confusing about his post. Gucci is simply describing a healthy male mindset that brings about an air of self-confidence that attracts women, nothing more.
Not directed at you in particular Wifey, but by the reaction of many here, I just don’t get what is so mysterious about all this.
