Last night was tough. Emotions were getting to me. I read some of "Hold on to Your N.U.T.s" and went to sleep.
This morning I was talking to W: M: "Sleep well?" W: "Not really. I woke up really early." M: "Having dreams?" W: "Yes. I was in this huge mansion with doors all over. I kept opening doors. One of those anxiety dreams. It was filled with antiques from 944. 944 was all over in the mansion. Then I was a mermaid that was tied up. Do you know how to play the numbers? I should play 944." ... W: "How are you doing?" M: <shrug shoulders> "OK" W: "That's good." ... M: "How do you feel about the move?" W: "I'm scared. Its a big change. I will miss you. I know that. But I have gone this far... I need to do it. I want some time and space to think. I want some time to be with friends. Do some meditation. Get back to Yoga. I hope you will do the same. I don't look at this as the end. I look at it as a new phase, a new stage in my life." ...
I know I was not showing confidence this morning. I felt like jello on the inside. I know she sensed it.
On my way to work, I called a L that my dad had found through the grapevine. I wanted to know what my obligations were for child-support. Taking care of it, as Coach would say. I found that because I will have the children 50% of the time, it is very vague. But I also found that I have probably agreed to too much. I will need to renegotiate this with W. Although, I guess I really don't need to negotiate. I will just tell her what I believe is fair and pay it. The lawyer actually suggested I attempt to get her back into MC. He is a divorce lawyer that believes that divorce is a horrible solution to marriage problems (imagine that).
